Selina's World

2012-02-01T17:49:00.002+08:00

其实也只不过是4年的时间

可那让我自豪，自认绝妙的笔触

那个曾经有人告诉我写中她心情的文笔

似乎已无迹可寻

到底发生了什么事？

现在我连写一小篇什么都没耐心

而唯一得到称 ‘赞’ 的就只是一小段在Youtube上对《步步惊心》的留言

“若曦把最坦率欢乐的日子给八爷，最至死不渝的爱给了四爷，最真挚的友情给了十三爷，最后的日子给了十四爷，最后的一丝庆幸（回到现代后）反倒是给了十爷。。。其实到头来最幸福快乐的莫过于心思单纯的十爷了”

如何才能找回那遗失的文笔？

2012-01-31T19:41:00.002+08:00

No more heartbreaks anymore

They use to say that it's okay to get you're heart broken

You have to stumble you have to fall to learn

But what happens when it breaks beyond repair

Do you still have to act like you don't care

When does it get too much

When do you go too far

When is it enough so you can cry out loud

That your heart is breaking and it hurts like hell

No more heartbreaks anymore

Throw pain and sorrow outta the door

Learn to cry then learn to stand up knowing

It's no use crying

No more heartbreaks anymore

No love movies anymore

No more useless tears to shed

No more cliches you can add

You just live

You just believe

2012-01-22T16:55:00.003+08:00

I never thought I'd do this but I shall

just for those few people who remembered me

and made this more bearable

just for that few moments when I still feel that maybe this isn't too bad

to Ahmad, Aaron, Aarthi, Amber, Christine, Huiying, Willy and John (not that anyone will read this anyway)

esp. Huiying and Willy (Samantha and Lenny) who made extra effort to 'open me up' to them

like Huiying said "now my biggest challenge is to make Selina excited" (no extra meaning intended)

I have to admit my bias and my paying extra effort in checking sets and props for these few people

I'm human

But I'm glad that it's over

Now I can concentrate on my work and not have my mind half hanging on things undone

this is for those moments that someone has the "where's Selina" thought appearing in their heads

I know it

I can read the body language

though I AM a lil' pissed by a review that says that this play requires no BLACK MAN (crew) and the cast is the black man

HELLO~

they shift the props around on stage but after that we do the Chaos management

now I know how the backstage people feel

it's alright to have no applause

but it sucks to be treated as transparent

non-existent

I've led 4 years of uni life like this

hate that I still have to go thru this for production

and I'm also probably the most 'un-remembered' crew member

which is why those few people I've mentioned are especially important

2012-01-18T11:13:00.002+08:00

4 more days

Thank God

and Thank God too for Aliah my senior in Eng Department (who's doing her PhD in Creative Writing now) who is also in the production

Like minded people makes me feel the most at home

side-note: took 2 train rides yesterday with company, one with classmate another with Aliah

and both we ended up talking about K-pop in the end

korean WAVE~

one about SNSD dancing in *cough* panties

another about Lee Minho and the really bad version of Meteor Garden (boys over flowers) made by China

2012-01-17T09:43:00.003+08:00

Do you know how it feels to be left on your own

When everyone else is together

Do you know how it feels to be lost and alone

Each minute just seems like forever

If this world is a stage and you're left in the wings

Won't you feel like a song

No one wants to sing

My best friends are the only reason I can keep going on

Despite the faint spells, the sun, the pain

They are the only reason I still believe

That someone loves me

Other than my family

Or shall I say...my mom

Do you know how it feels when you stand behind dark curtains in a narrow backstage

Alone

And the dark shadows of loneliness just consumes you as it spreads through your heart

But yes

In every condition there is always something that makes you think

Now this isn't so bad

There are some other reasons some other people that makes staying easier

Makes smiling easier

And for that

Thank God

But the sun's been kind

While I wrote this song

There were people like you that

Kept it turned on

2012-01-13T00:01:00.002+08:00

FML No. 1

Punishment for bad life choices

FML No.2

The advertising module has presentation AND group work!!!

(cross fingers n hope that there's no need for formal wear...)

FML No.3

On top of Brian and Murphy I've got WernMei's class which is super heavy and now I know the advert class is info based n needs lotsa memory work. DARN. AND attendance is taken so I can't bloody skip. What happens to FYP now??

darn it man.

Of everything above I think FML No.1 is the worse. I mean anything course related I can deal. Anything human or watever u call tt related...I can't. I just can't ok?!

Sorry best friend. It's down on u now. Cause your bestie is a useless piece of (ranting) sh*t when it comes to any human related issues. Or emotionally related ones

2012-01-12T14:59:00.002+08:00

I touch the fire, and it freezes me
I look into it, and it's black
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back

Because I lost sight

I forgot what I REALLY wanted

This is the price to pay

9 more days...just 9 more days

I've been making shows of trading blows
just hoping no one knows
That i've been going through the motions
walking through the part.
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart

I don't want to be...
going through the motions,
loosing all my drive
I can't even see, if this is really me
and i just want to be....
Alive!

2012-01-11T19:03:00.005+08:00

I met my first "Irish" when I was 5.

I didn't know that he's Irish.

He dazzled me again when we met a second time.

I was 18.

And then I met the first that I knew IS an Irish.

And together with him I met another.

Then I begin to wonder...in wonder.

Today I learnt what may perhaps explain

My love for the first and my amazement at the second(s).

Irish

The Irish are the only race who are impervious to psychoanalysis.

Quoted from "The Departed" starring Jack Nicholson

supposed to be quoted from Freud but Freud experts find no such evidence

Nevertheless, I love this nation of people who are too crazy to be psychoanalysed

And who are ever so ready to conjure dreams and lies instead of reality

I met an Irish when I was 5

Sir Author Conan Doyle

Who opened my eyes up to the world of mystery

And unlocked the gaping abyss of desire to devour more mysteries for the next 17 years to come

I met an Irish whom I knew IS an Irish

I was 19

Prof Neil

Brimming with intellectual energy

He became who I wanted to be

Or to be like

He brought with him John Banville

And the rest is history

2012-01-10T15:09:00.003+08:00

it's been a while since I've worn contact lenses. The world looks a bit different with them on.

hopefully I'll look different with them on.

I rmb rongxin said I look fiercer without my contacts. So hopefully I look "less fierce" now.

I have this weird auto-focusing thing going on now. Like where-ever a look things auto-focuses. Like when the camera auto-focuses it shifts from blur then clear then blur then clearer again. It's a weird feeling to have.

I've already started on my first assignment. Half of it anyway. Watch 2 films and compare contrast how they deal with gender/sexuality.

I've watched Some Like it Hot. Watching Bringing Up Baby now...both stars Cary Grant. Coincidentally.

I can't watch Casablanca cause I've watched it like 3 times. Each time I take Brian's mod.

I wanted to watch Farewell my Concubine (because it's chinese) but it's 2 hours and 50 mins long. I don't think I have the patience for that.

So I chose 2 comedies instead. :p

Have to finish Plato's Symposium by Friday morning.

And where is the Lee Foundation Lecture Theatre?????

2012-01-09T14:35:00.002+08:00

2 hours 35 mins

Time I've been awake

Why can't I start work?

1 day left before hell begins

2weeks left before hell ends

3 weeks left before MA registration ends

and I have not asked for recommendation letters

what have I been doing?

A new start

2012-01-08T16:40:00.006+08:00

Finally after many many (ok not so many) years of using dark coloured blog skins I've decided to switch to a pink one. I've been intending to for a long time but never found anything that worked. Been tweaking the code on template for a while and this is the best I can do for now. I can't get thetabs to be on top because if I did that the contents will all be centered it's hard to read when everything is center based. So I had to let the words take priority and be flushed left while the tabs go "not so nicely" onto the right.

Anyway

It's been about 2-3 years since I've changed my template to the Born to be a Performer one, it's time to change. I've changed the title to Return to Pink. It's my reconciliation with my inner child who lost her childhood 16 years ago. (And is secretly revenging on me by giving me social malfunction) I've also compensated her by placing "YaoMing" Pooh in sight and pushing the whiteboard that I use for post-it post and timetables to the right.

Here's what it looks like now

It's called "yaoming" pooh for obvious reasons. It's 'taller' than most pooh bears on the market. Mom bought it for me last year because I complained that her co-worker gave my sister a cute soft toy for Christmas and gave me this hideous (sorry) pouch that even the most senseless tasteless person wouldn't use. So the second day she saw this pooh at north point and called to ask me if I want it. Hee~ That's why I chose to put this on my table instead of other soft toys. It reminds me of a time when I feel that my mom still treats me like a child. *rare!* (sorry xing I put your pooh on top of my bookshelf with the others...mui's doraemon lotion is also there though)

I don't know if it's obvious from the photo but on the left I hung a MILO (3缺1）photo on the table lamp. It only shows Ahma and Xing from my POV, blocking me. Mui wasn't there at that K session. BUT I have all the MILOs as my comp desktop!

The 酷 is ChinKim's present that she got from her HK exchange trip. There's an YinSync photo at the back covered by CK's tag. And the BrickBear I bought from Beijing for all the MILOs is also there.

Anyway school's starting in...3 days? My first class is on wed, but I have to go do sai-gang on tues. Wed's Murphy's Irish Lit class, Fri I've got The Discourse of Love and Introduction to Advertisements. (or Advertising...can't rmb)

READINGS!!!

I have to watch Farewell my Concubine, Some Like it Hot and read Plato's Symposium before term starts. Raahhhhh~

Wanna watch

飞甲龙门

天生一对（仔仔, Ella，小小彬）

开心魔法（吴尊 and....cannot rmb）

not sure if they're showing 开心魔法 in Spore. Should be larh hor? It seems to be the kind of movie ppl will watch during New Year. And no worries about box office, there's 尊爷.

And I recently watched 宠物情人 featuring 张根硕 who's also acting as 黄太秦 in 《原来是美男》 showing every Saturday 930pm on Channel U. (sounds like ad)

宠物情人is a nice movie to watch for Christmas. At least that's what I think. Or a small relaxing weekend. Not suitable when you're cramming work, reading graphs and OMG what-is-that molecular structure, or having endless lab sessions.

And I just rmb tt I forgot to take Chinese Med AGAIN. Haix

2012-01-04T15:52:00.003+08:00

近日来我心目中觉得很厉害的几位女艺人

1。田馥甄

从天团SHE出发，田馥甄两张个人专辑都广受好评。以前在SHE里沉默寡言的Hebe，现在让大家

看见她是一个有思想，有理想，有实力，有个性的美丽女人。她利用音乐来向全世界传达她

对‘爱’的想法与她所洞悉的‘爱’到底是怎么一回事。最美丽的文艺女青年非她是也。

2。林心如

从夏紫薇开始走红的林心如和温柔，柔弱，楚楚可怜的紫薇其实南辕北撤。性格开朗坚强的她在

迈入人生的30大关后越发独立自主的女强人气势。出演《美人心计》中的窦皇后，美丽动人，聪

明伶俐，林心如演的丝丝入扣。当了《倾世皇妃》的制作人得了年度最佳制作人奖后乘胜追击拍

了《姐姐立正向前走》，昔日夏紫薇的影子早已无迹可寻。

2012-01-03T18:21:00.004+08:00

I did one of these 100 questions a really long time ago...today suddenly saw one on a website n decided to do again...many things have changed i think

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed your cousin: No.

Ran away: No

Pictured your crush naked: No.

Skipped school: ALOT. Since Uni :p

Broken someone's heart: Mmm...maybe...or maybe not heart but ego

Been in love: One-sided counted? Probably not...

Cried when someone died: Yes.

Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Well...not really. Liked...not wanted

Broken a bone: Yea...sorta. Hairline fractured my forearm

Done something embarrasing: Hell yea~

Lied: No. *oops i just lied*

Cried in school: Yes

WHICH IS BETTER

Coke or Pepsi: Coke.

Sprite or 7UP: 7UP

Girls or Guys: Depends. Girls mostly. More reliable...oops

Flowers or Candy: Neither. But if must choose one...candy. Or soft toy flower.

Scruff or Clean shaved: Mmm...guys? Scruff to look, clean shaved if I had to go close.

Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes.

Bitchy or Slutty: watz the diff?

Tall or Short: No preference for girls. Guys...taller than me

Pants or Shorts: Pants (or rather one of those decon. things i wear)

Night or Day: depends

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX

What do you notice first: Depends....well who am I kidding? Their body...arms n chest muscles particularly. *feels gd to not say fake things like "character"...how can you possibly know his character first????*

Last person you slow danced with: Never.

Worst Question To Ask: Mmm...Is there someone you like? Because if you don't like the guy and he says 'You', you're in deep shit. And if you like the guy and he names a girl tt u think is a total *sl*t* den...well yea"

THE LAST TIME YOU...

Showered: Yesterday night

Stepped outside: 5 hours ago

Had Sex: Never

Romantic memory: None...if one-sided heart fluttering doesn't count...even tt was at least 5 years ago (omg my life)

WHAT IS (your favourite)...

Your Good Luck Charm: mmm...i have a lucky pencil case tt i use in every major exam since P6 n every exam in Uni

Person You Hate Most: The most? Duno.

Best Thing That Has Happened: MILOs

On your desk: omg hell load of things...whiteboard, honey, clock, pencil cases, paper, printer, pooh, tissue box, BOOKS, CDs, telephone, handphone, post-it, vicks inhaler, wallet, files, storage "basket", more BOOKS, chinese medicine, gingko pills, L'oreal Revitalift (endorsed by Hebe~!), radio, watch, sunflower soft toy by MILO...

Picture on your desktop: MILOs!

Colour: Black and Pink

Movie: Mmm...Legally Blonde (omg bimbo), Red Cliff 1, Stephen Chow early movies, Hairspray (for the songs n John Travolta as a mom), Bruce Lee movies...

Artist: HEBE~, Bruce Lee, Jeremy Brett (the best Sherlock Holmes like EVER), George Hu, James Marster (the hottest Vampire like FOREVER...scram Cullen!), Ah-Wei, Hung Family (Sammo Hung, Timmy Hung, Jimmy Hung and Sammy Hung), Matthew Gray Gubler (Spencer Reid)

Cars: Big ones. watx tt called...erm...bandwagon?

Ice Cream: mmm...mint?

Season: u dun get to choose in spore. rainy when in, cooling when out.

Breakfast Food: English breakfast. or BEEHOON~

WHO

Makes you laugh the most: Retard aka Mee-Hiang aka Yao Mei Xian Tong Xue

Makes you smile: Friends, Ah-Wei and Jacky Wu.

Can make you feel better no matter what: MILOs n Ah-Wei. KFC is not a WHO so I shall not include it.

Has A Crush On You: more like trying to crush me. Not any I think.

Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Now? No. Celebrity crush not counted.

Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: Depends. I tend to think guys cuz i'm a girl but sometimes...yea

Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: Funny feeling like haha funny? or Ermx funny?

DO YOU EVER

Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: Mmm...no.

Save MSN conversations: They save themselves.

Save E-mails: Funny ones

Forward secret E-mails: No

Wish you were someone else: Why would I when I'm the fantastically unique superbly intelligent me?

Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: Hell NO~

Perfume: Nope.

Kiss: Dun have. Not even soft toys.

Cuddle: Hug maybe. Cuddle...bolster?

Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: almost everyday

HAVE YOU EVER

Fallen for your best friend?: My best friend is a girl.

Made out with JUST a friend?: No.

Kissed two people in the same day?: No.

Had sex with two different people in the same day?: No.

Been rejected: Erm...kinda

Been in love?: I use to think so but now...no.

Been in lust?: Er...for human? No. For material items (i.e. books) yes.

Used someone?: Mmm...dun think so.

Been used?: Yea....hopefully they didn't mean it.

Cheated on someone?: Who's there to cheat on?

Been cheated on?: No.

Been kissed?: Er...on cheeks yea...omg scary memory

Done something you regret?: Truckload

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...[b]

You touched?: Mee-Hiang

You talked to?: Mom (on phone)

You hugged?: Er...Yong?

You instant messaged?: sms - mom, msn...too long cannot rmb

You kissed?: no.

You yelled at?: Mom (for askin me to do her work)

You thought about?: Mee-hiang (about givin her my jacket) oh unless I count Jimmy Hung who doesn't exist in my plane of reality (about his new movie HK 2012)

Who text messaged you?: Jocelyn (teacher)

Who broke your heart?: Er...duno

Who told you they loved you?: MILOs~!

[b]DO YOU...

Color your hair?: No

Have tattoos?: No

Have piercings?: 2. Ear.

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No

Own a webcam?: On laptop

Own a thong?: No

Ever get off the damn computer?: Er...

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: wat?

Habla espanol?: huh?

Quack?: eh?

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...

Stolen anything?: Er...ya

Smoke?: No

Schizophrenic?: Clinically no. Descriptively yes.

Obsessive?: With Time.

Compulsive?: With Time.

Obsessive compulsive?: With Time.

Panic?: When non-MILO humans are around

Anxiety?: When non-MILO humans are around

Depressed?: Mmm...sometimes

2011-12-31T18:26:00.003+08:00

ok 2011

Sem 1

Postmodernism: Well as usual for all Murphy Mod's...Not Bad

Modernism: SLACK

Theatre n Performance (Asian. HyunJung): SLACK... ... ...

East Asian Literature: SLACK

Nth eventful happened

sem 2 CUI~ MAX~

i pon Rise of the Novel like ALL THE WAY

not suited for morning lessons...esp if they come before Brian's mod

Started out ok with FF...but...I think as the grp got bigger...the ppl got crazier...i drifted more and more to the outskirt...I'm not even sure if I've already fallen off...

good things from this year

1. I watched 4 movies (resolution was 3)

2. Mugged with Retard at NUS!!! ('09-'10 resolution)

3. learned Korean (abit)

4. Learned to cook Korean dishes

-Kimchi bokeumbap

-Kimchi Jjigae

-Kimchi Jjeon

-Soondubu Jjigae

-Baechu Doenjang Jjigae

-Miyukkuk (is it spelt like tt????)

-Bibimbap

5. I took part in MicroFiction competition (didn't win) was an experience

6. I submitted entry for 2 other competitions (1 i submitted only yesterday)

-HIM online lyrics competition (literally translated)

-Script writing competition for some cultural project

FAIL things *ahem*

1. Pon class like siao

2. Never lose weight...i might have gained weight

3. 4.0 ave (ok nt TOO bad)

4. neh hit 100 bks *cries* (or 100 000 words)

5. neh eat healthy

ok but for checking n vanity sake I shall still put the book list up (italic ones I didn't finish reading)

The Third Policemen

Birchwood

Invisible Cities

Hundred Years of Solitude

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Women in Love

The Last Empress

Why men marry bitches

Hector in the Search of Happiness

Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer

十一字杀人

沉睡的森林

一个人住的第五年

Sherlock Holmes in America

PD James: About Mystery Fiction

Time’s Arrow

The Crucible

Good Morning, Midnight

Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of E-Personality

白马山庄杀人事件

John Banville: A critical introduction

The supreme fictions of John Banville

Exploring Fictions: John Banville

迴凉亭杀人事件

The Sea

The Lemur

How to sell anyone anything

How to win friends and influence people

皇帝的女人

What I think about when I think about running

Harvard Psychology of happiness

101 Habits of Highly successful Novelist

没有凶手的杀人夜

CSI Forensic Psychology

The Criminal Mind

Poe Shadow

Robinson Crusoe

Memoirs of the Blind

20 几岁就定位II

少女

The Leopard

Lasting damage

The fantastic book of everybody’s secret

My Bondage, My Freedom

Memoirs of the Blind

Writer's Notebook: Setting the scene

That's 46 books (short by 54...FAIL!)

Okay 2012 New Year Resolution

3 保 3 少 3 多

保养、保健、保持开朗

少糖、少油、少看电视

多动、多笑、多去上课

Book resolution should remain at 100

I shall give a bit more leeway n include books that I did not finish completely in 2011

But only if I finish them then I'll put them on the 2012 list

Writing Resolution

-at least take part in 1 competition

-produce 60 min script (can be composed of shorter scripts compiled)

FYP GOAL: A+ (Aim High)

Weight Goal: Lose 15-20kg within first 6 months (it doesn't sound tt impossible if I break it down to ave. 2.5-3.3 kg/mth)

ok the motivation behind this is because we're going for grad trip...I dowan to see nice clothes cannot buy...it's THAT simple

small extra new year resolution: no shifty eyes (new info yesterday)

Motto for 2011

Dare to Dream. Leap of Faith

I don't think I managed to do that well

Motto for 2012

不要为失败找借口要为成功找办法

不要为昨天而哭泣要为明天而努力

不要整天怨天尤人要天天笑口常开

不要害怕会受伤害要自信勇敢的爱

感谢爱我的人让我在心中有了避风港

当我像一只胆小的熊因为害怕外面的风雨雷电而躲在山洞里

你们耐心的等待无条件的支持不间断的鼓励

我希望今年我会勇敢的跨出来

2011-12-28T09:40:00.002+08:00

梦里在你身旁

醒来只剩绝望

睡梦里的那幸福

只是现实的骸骨

当现实中的遗忘逝去

才可能出现

2011-12-11T14:08:00.004+08:00

I managed to finish the Sophie Hannah book

A fantastic book about everybody's secret

A collection of short stories. My favourite being The Octopus's Nest

List of books to finish before the end of next week

Poe Shadow

Virtually You: The Dangerous Power of E-Personality

Hector and the Search for Happiness

皇帝的女人

哈佛大学心理学101: Psychology of Happiness

顺应你的心

Might sound a little ambitious trying to finish 6 books in a week

but all of them are half-read already

AND this hols i MUST finish reading Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer

I am looking at a piece of writing I did probably two years ago (or at least a year)

58 000+ words

how did i do it?

how did i come up with those beautiful sentences?

Although it's no formal writing, just some fanfic spin-off of BOF (yea yea back then I still bothered doing such things) but the writing isn't bad.

Now my brain is almost empty

2011-12-10T14:52:00.002+08:00

学如逆水行舟不进则退

now I finally experience the true meaning of that statement

2 days ago I tried to write a short 10 mins play as writing sample for a freelance job a wanna apply for
and?
stuck

10 days have passed since the end of my yr4 sem1 exams
nothing has been written (except FB post)
nt even a blog post (until now)

gone were the days that I wake up bursting with ideas and words flow like endless streams
gone...the days where a could churn out 10 000+ words in a day

i even have reading "disability" where i am feeling too restless (for no reason) to patiently read through ANY reading
semi-handicap now
all i do is sit in front of the computer and surf websites and watch video
the only SLIGHTLY constructive thing i did was to "research" on shopping for our TW and HK grad trip
*shakes head*

I shall resolve to finish my second sophie hannah book by today

If genius and epiphanies are not possible at least give me the will to pursue them

2011-11-28T18:12:00.002+08:00

我期待更美更有能力也更有魅力那个未来的你们

我期待更能干更聪明更懂自己那个未来的我

我期待努力

我期待机遇

我期待我们自信骄傲神采飞扬的一起走在巴黎街道

我期待我们嬉闹玩乐开开心心的一起分享生命中的每一天

我想在那个未知的明天早已装满了我们的期待

2011-11-27T11:30:00.002+08:00

this is the first time exam period doesn't feel like exam period...maybe on 30 Nov with 3 papers and Brian's sandwich between 2 will finally make me realize "Oh this sem actually existed?"

maybe it's a year 4 thing
maybe it's just me

one more sem
or more to come

看到别人的努力才知道自己的不足

year 4
i realise
i'm stuck at year 2
or even earlier than that
procrastination
pon-ing
ego

on the other hand let's look on the bright side
after exams MILOs let's go to the new (is it new) Starbucks at Rochester Park!!!!
discuss our grad trip
EXCITED (oh must renew passport)
actually it doesn't matter where we go
as long as i'm going with my MILOs (even if it's 3/4 full)
because I want to share all the best (i almost typo beast) things in my life with the best thing that happened to my life ...the best friends in my life
so it really doesn't matter (except for budget) whether we go hunt down all the night markets in taiwan...yum cha at hk...look at sheep grass and lake in australia...or just sit down n chat at north point...or sing our hearts out at k...
it's not where
it's WHO (no not the world health thingy)
save $$ save $$ save $$

but before grad trip there is the F---Y---P
tada~
banville and neil
i already got the best buy ...I mean combination

just a super random tot
if i ever get to study up to PhD
should i go to Dublin?
just random
i mean...there's an Irish fascination there

2011-11-25T16:19:00.002+08:00

看戏看书看网路

幻想美梦白日梦

为什么？因为梦太美现实太残酷

相信爱情需要勇气因为投资不代表回报

爱情比股票更可怕因为看见的都不一定是真的

金钱投资失败伤身伤荷包

爱情投资失败伤心伤人伤灵魂

悲观？ maybe

可不可以不要醒过来

沉溺在独处的那片海

不要知道王子其实是无赖

不要知道自己其实很悲哀

2011-11-22T18:35:00.003+08:00

看到Lynn在FB上写：那些年我们爱过的男孩现在可能都已经是别人的男人了

那些年我爱过的男孩

一直

都是别人的男人

现在

真的是

爱。过

2011-11-21T20:22:00.002+08:00

决定我们这一生有多少事情可以自己决定？

今天的决定不是为了今天

是为了那个我们看不见的未来

今天决定旷课

考试前注定临时抱佛脚

今天决定吃炸鸡

一年后吃难吃的减肥餐补回

今天决定。。。

明天。。。

未来

朋友

是我这辈子到现在为止做过最好的决定

2011-11-19T16:44:00.002+08:00

1st class honours > MA @ NTU > PhD @ NTU > job @ NTU

me and my country bumpkin idealistic dreams

now
reality check

1. I might not be able to get first class honours
BUT
I should still work hard to get my second upper so tt I can still qualify for MA

2. If I stay in NTU for the whole course of my study I will not be able to get a job at a respectable local university
SO
I intend to do my MA here (once I qualify for it) and then save enough in due course to go overseas for my PhD and return back to teach at a local Uni (idealistically)
WHERE?
Cambridge is the best of course but because it's the best it might be the hardest to get into. I said MIGHT because Princeton didn't accept Gates but Harvard did. (I'm not Gates of course)

3. If I intend to pursue the above course I need to get the teaching scholarship.
reality check: HARD

4. If I want to get into a well-known aka branded College for PhD I need to UP my CV
MEANING
publish work. teach? make some sort of known effort towards scholarship. I have 1.5-2 years to do that if I get into MA

5. Admin. Nightmare if I want to go overseas
This is the kind of time I wish I can hire Xing (or borrow her brain)
Visa, residence, application, college and faculty are not one and the same so have to apply to both, have to look for supervisor, air ticket, blah blah blah into the admin black hole

Back to present
1. 24th Dec HL 317 exam (cannot flunk! need 2nd upper)
2. 29th Dec HL 422 exam (my brain only has like 5% of required knowledge right now)
3. 30th Dec HL 214 (readings!) HL 414 (war!) HC8005 (haix)

7 days battle and then FYP and Grad. Prog. application

2011-11-14T01:32:00.002+08:00

22 岁我不想恋爱

为什么？因为麻烦。。。还是因为我慢慢不想信爱

还是因为我慢慢不相信自己

爱得来不易

爱可遇不可求

有谁爱我？

家人一定（没得选）

我的三个‘死党’ 一定

还有谁？

我吗？

看着我书桌上的杯盘狼藉我突然好像听到上帝跟我说

没有爱人因为你还没准备好爱人

因为你还没学会爱自己

还没学会相信自己

还没学会为自己付出努力

还没学会给自己幸福

还没走出自己的害怕

那。。。要怎么爱别人？

以前爱很简单

因为我不怕

怎么和别人相反？

别人是慢慢放下害怕

我是慢慢背起害怕

什么时候开始我不在敢说 “我不喜欢” 和 “我喜欢”

我想是从身不由己开始的吧

2011-11-07T15:03:00.001+08:00

parody 如果我变成回忆

《如果不小心睡去》

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例写你了
好怕一放心睡了
醒来时候才发现完了没时间了

写着字数不够继续写着
写废话也没关系了
只怕老师他看了
立刻发现我又是临时抱佛脚了

2011-10-31T15:01:00.002+08:00

从什么时候开始你变成了曾经？

9年没有一天不想你

22岁忽然发现我好像已经有一阵子没想你了

是忘了？还是老了？

因为脑容量变小？

还是要记的事情变多？

发现的时候没有难过没有惊讶

只是如日常琐事一般

只是哦

时间

你

我

曾经

2011-10-27T18:27:00.002+08:00

When do you realise that you're not as good as you think you are?
I realised

Who your greatest enemy?
Myself

What is the hardest obstacle to overcome?
Procrastination

How many times do you have to fall or regret in order to learn?
Not enough

Who else can you trust when you can't trust the one you've known for 22 years?
The hardest battles are always fought inside
One battle in the ring.
A lifetime of battle in the heart.
Day to day
Second by second

Time passes me by
leaving me wrinkles, fats, dust and regret

The only place I turn and smile
Is when I can look into those eyes who look back into mine
And know exactly who I am

But am I letting them down?

It is not who you are underneath
But what you do that defines you

DO
One word
One syllable
Two letters
An infinite battle

2011-10-17T11:13:00.003+08:00

生活并不完美，但那并不代表它不美。

~陈又青《我可能不会爱你》

你是魔鬼中的天使所以送我心碎的方式

是让我笑到最后一秒为止

才发现自己胸口插了一把刀子

~田馥甄魔鬼中的天使

可是爱有时善良有时残酷我要如何

爱他像爱你那样义无反顾

~A-Lin 我现在很幸福

2011-09-21T12:22:00.003+08:00

week 7
tons of things not done
readings readings readings
filmography
more essays
archive project
presentation
email Neil for FYP (what to email?)
writing writing writing
reading reading reading
swimming (aqua aerobic actually)
meet ups

is recess week enough for all these?
they should make it 2 weeks

negro spiritual
local poster/movie
2 thrillers
lotsa i duno what to do with readings
the sea
argh
Jo Nesbo
script
books

life

suppose to go for test and i'm blogging this before leaving the house
maybe i need a break
no
i DO need a break
the sea
need the sea
you know you need a break when taking a break has meant working on another class's assignment for the past week
argh
i have low stress tolerance
wish for a minute (or for more than a minute) that i am xing
she might be cute, pink, hello kitty but that girl's got HIGH stress tolerance and HIGH EQ
envy
i only got HIGH IQ, HIGH blood pressure and HIGH cholesterol
and only 1 of 3 is useful
i feel useless
very useless
since the beginning of this year
everyone's got so much experience in their own field
i feel...JC-ish
feel like a loser
well that's for writing
you've got to pick yourself up and continue living

JIAYOU
find my arrogance and pride back!!!!

2011-09-06T18:45:00.003+08:00

It's already week 5?
Deadlines.
Readings.
Pon-ing.
Unwarrented for weariness.
Desire to change is no change.

What else is the same?
Fast food.
Youtube.
Hebe's new album.

Just read Scott H Young's "What will you be great at in 10 years?"
I'm not 16 anymore.
In 10 years I'll be 32.
What will I be great at?
At the rate I'm going I think the answer would be NOTHING.

I don't feel old.
As a matter of fact, eversince I turn 20 I feel that the notion of age has stopped. For me at least.
Friends say that they feel old being 22. Or when they see juniors from AJC or And.Sec. I don't. I just think "oh! Junior."

What can I do to make myself more productive?
What can I do to improve myself?
What can I do to get OUT THERE?
What can I do to be more successful?

Endless planning?
Read more self-help books?
Take part in clubs for no reason?
Day Dream?

Dream+Action=success
Easy to say.

Researcher
Writer
Professor

Can I?

Maybe I should begin dealing with the mess by tidying up my table.
Or read Poe Shadow?

What shall I do for HL422 Archive Project?
What to do about HL414 Filmography?
What are the deadlines for the other projects?
Will I finish my 10 mins piece in time for S+S submission?
no inspiration.
Have I walked on the wrong path?
If I didn't get into pure lit class in sec 3 would things have been different?
I like books and words.
But is it because I never gave their alternative a chance?
Maths? Science?
I don't even dare to think about them now.

That day I was waiting outside the seminar room before Hl214. Was talking about Germaine with Tiying and Shihui. My lit coursemate just opened a cafe of her own in our uni and is already earning herself a ticket to financial independence. And I just said without thinking "I feel...useless."
No internship.
Nothing on my resume except some stint at STB/Changi.
Life is youtubing.
What and where will I be in 10 years time?

Maybe chees was right.
Who needs FYP when the money is rolling in?

FYP is for people like me.
Studying is my ONLY way out.
Thinking is the only thing I'm good at.
And now. I'm not even so sure about that.

How can I stop negative thoughts?

2011-09-05T19:24:00.002+08:00

my version (lyrics) of hebe's 还是要幸福

《我一定要幸福》

不确定也要勇敢

免得到最后只留下遗憾

一个人就算孤独

在寂寞面前也不能认输

过去留下的空白

我会用努力生活来取代

我甚至不顾一切往前赶

永恒用精彩填满才灿烂

我一定要幸福

我绝对不会因为错过再哭

所有错误从这一刻消除

重新开始不怕辛苦

我一定要幸福

我要的生活我比谁都清楚

确定自己的故事不再有空白篇幅

今天开始重新掀开序幕

Original-

不确定就别亲吻

感情很容易毁了一个人

一个人若不够狠

爱淡了不离不弃多残忍

你留下来的垃圾

我一天一天总会丢完的

我甚至真心真意的祝福

永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福

你千万不要在招惹别人哭

所有错误从我这里落幕

别跟着我铭心刻骨

你还是要幸福

我才能确定我还得很清楚

确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅

明天开始这一切都结束

2011-08-25T14:54:00.002+08:00

my greatest weakness is making ppl forget that I'm weak

maybe solitude is my best solution to life
because being with ppl is just so hard
what u say is nt what they hear
and then they think you never said it
den you get the shot in the head

all my fault
shouldn't have left "lonely planet" to come to planet earth

breathe
just breathe
no big deal

like i told my production mate that day
mental strength is one of the hardest things to find today (esp singaporeans...esp me)

to the few ppl who listen
and remember
and forgive
i'm immensely grateful

should have learnt
after 22 years
who and what are the most impt things to me

2011-08-17T17:22:00.003+08:00

smartphone kills time. Note. Kills, not help to kill. Instead of wasting time it kills. Worse. Whenever I don't feel like doing something (which is usually work that I'm SUPPOSED to do) I turn to my phone and play racing/angry bird/reversi/mahjong. Bad.

Just had Brian's mod yesterday, I foresee a hell load of work. I don't mind theory. I don't mind hard theories. I mind watching films (especially those that involve people's eyes getting cut or gorged out). And he wants us to watch the blu-ray one on big screen. (double gross and no bolster to hide behind if I'm not watching it at home) AND! He said strictly no Youtube.

After this week my timetable will be confirm and I shall start allocating mugging time. Proper and consistent planning is the only way out of hell this sem. I'm not complaining. For once, I feel that I'm truly alive in Uni (okay except for Year One Yinsync). I have things to do, places to go to, meetings to turn up for. It feels good.

Went U-town to mug with retard last week. Aircon, big enough table, free internet and can eat! Perfection is an understatement. I would go again even if it's not my sch. I'm thinking about camping out at hss lib everyday before class so I can concentrate on my work. Of course I can still play on my phone but because I'll look stupid racing in the library I will abstain from it. (still can play angry bird/mahjong/reversi though)

Cafes are gd. But table too small, drinks too ex.
Libraries are good but no food and drinks.
Where's my in between?

And if I camp out at school library I'll have to pack lunch cause lunch crowd is INSANE @ NTU. (that sounds like a title) maybe QQ Rice from JP? Sandwich from Four Leaves? Kimchi pancake?
Why can't we eat in the library?

Of course there's Starbucks at JP which opens early enough. But tables are SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! And coffee is expensive. Maybe Burger Kings? (FAT) Or Macdonalds? Which opens even earlier than Starbucks and Library. (will they chase me out if I start mugging at 8?) Actually that's a gd idea, there's aircon, free internet and can eat! (FAT)

Home is still the best. But I get easily distracted. Like I have to go cook rice now.

2011-08-05T16:17:00.002+08:00

I admit. I am an addict.
I was NOT suppose to purchase another book. Given that I have more than fifty books waiting to be read. But then, there was Jo Nesbo.

Nesbo's Norwegian. And they paste stupid stickers on his books that says "The next Stieg Larsson". I haven't read a word of Larsson's so I'm not in position to judge. But I don't think Nesbo's readers will appreciate that association. I didn't. (even though I'm only 11 pages into my first Nesbo novel)

I've got a gut feeling Nesbo will be my next favourite. I first got to know about him through NYtimes, Sunday Book Review. (where I got a lot of my want-to-read books from) It was on his latest novel The Snowman. A short introduction made my hair stand, imagine what the full picture could do.

But although I say Nesbo will be my next favourite, I really don't know who he's succeeding. Doyle? Christie? Or...Banville? (God I hope not)

Speaking of Banville, I happen to just have finished his stand alone mystery novel The Lemur. Judging by the standards of a mystery novel I'll give it a 5.5/10. (extra 0.5 points just for being a Banville novel) If someone else were to write the same story, it would just end up in the pile of books that I've read a little but not enough to care about. But, it's Banville. Plot aside, the prose is still Banville. Despite the fact that he has written under another name - Benjamin Black.

But although I say that, Black is still distinctly different from Banville; as he is from other mystery writers. Banville is like an old poet sitting in a messy but cozy little apartment on an old street that hasn't yet lost its life. The pen and paper kind of author. Black on the other hand will don his all-black attire and walk down a bustling avenue at 2 in the morning (after having written a satisfactory amount for the day) and grab a Guinness (maybe it's because it's black or because one of Black's character said "what kind of Irish are you" to another who didn't drink Guinness) from a slightly crowded Irish Pub. The kind that serves awesome fish and chips.

Nesbo? Beige woolen pullover in his study (white) with books surrounding him in an organised but not-TOO-neat manner. Staring out from the second floor of his house at the small lake where he 'parked' his little rowing boat.

None of this is factually accurate of course. It's just me imagining the authors I read.

2011-07-23T08:28:00.002+08:00

Went for production meeting yesterday
The crew is definately one I can work with
Very interesting people
"Support" (inside joke)

But my sociable mode hasn't been totally switched on yet
I must have said like less than 30 sentences yesterday

Saw a psych test today

Name 3 of your fav animal

Mine: Horse, Wolf, Dog

Answer
The first animal you choose is what you perceive yourself to be
So I like a horse for being gallant ...so that's my perception of self?

The second animal is what people perceive you to be
Wolf...of course. What else right?

The third animal is your true self.
I'm a dog. OMG female dog...so I'm a bi....nonono. I shall think of myself as loyal and Man's (the general sense of the word) best friend

2011-07-22T13:34:00.002+08:00

I just want to be far away
Abroad or Asleep
Because words have dried up on me
Ideas fled
I'm left with a semi hollow-ness that refuses even to be entirely hollow just so that I can't write about the empty echoes reverberating in the chambers of my soul.

Weariness
Does it come from squeezing yourself dry or giving up on squeezing because you know nothing will come out of it

I need a book retail therapy
Thankfully it's library book sale tomorrow
armed with $50
wait for me my soulmate(s)
$2 is a fair price to pay

maybe I've cooped myself up in the room for too long
or maybe it's the grey sky

I want to go to the sea

2011-07-16T13:57:00.002+08:00

When does love turns to loath?
When did I start not wanting to know?
When did I decide not to care anymore?
When will I walk away?
You wouldn't know.

2011-07-06T11:50:00.002+08:00

what do you blog about when you have nothing to blog about
But i'm not complaining. I like the simplicity of my life now
All i have to think about is my own future
what i want to do in 5 or 10 years time
Masters...PhD...publish my novel...my play

sitting in front of my laptop preparing notes for tuition class
listening to Il Divo
drinking Milo (i know maybe drinking expresso or latte is cooler but...hee)
Simple Life is the Best!

Reading Writing Reading Writing
That's what I want to do
Now and forever

sidenote
I have claw marks on my back
got them from my not long fingernails
how did i manage to do that?
hmm...nvm

recently I've been thinking (and talkin to my sister about it)
I want to live in a stylish big house (you know like those Contemporary kind..not the Irish Big House novel kind...shivers)
have a big swimming pool
big kitchen
a study that has seemingly endless rows of books running on the walls
glass window offering a view of the greenery or the sea outside my study
big comfy hotel style bed with 4 pillows

and maybe I'll keep some pets...tortoise?
no cats and dogs
hamsters?

another ramdom note
although the lyrics that i write nowadays are not as good as those when i'm depress for no reason
I'm happy that way
because those are happy lyrics
even if they sound so not pro
who cares?
i'm not a pro anyway

I'm starting to prepare myself more for academic writing and improve my novel and playwriting skills
persevere!!!

Focus.Consistence

It's not that I'm not aware
The facts are laid out bare
But I choose to go my way
And make each day my day
For if I fail I fail with pride
I don't give up without a fight
And if you think this is insanity
What can I say it's just my destiny

2011-06-27T14:23:00.003+08:00

I'm back from Beijing!
my general comment is that I MISS SINGAPORE
I miss our food
I miss our people
I miss no bargain shopping (with discounts)
I miss clean toilets with toilet paper (and toilet bowl so i dunnid to squat)
I even miss our roads and taxi!

BUT
that's not to say all is bad in Beijing
I got to do alot of walking
which is a good exercise and because it's dry there or for some other reason I didn't sweat much, which is good considering how much i usually sweat
I went to get my pulse taken by TCM prof at TongRenTang and got some health supplements (yes my friends, I am OLD...physically ONLY)
AND
the BEST thing is the BOOKS there are DARN cheap (esp compared to Spore) and the CDs too
I got 5 books 1 set of 3 books and 5 CDs for myself and 2 books 1 CD for my sister
so little right? given the cheap prices...but I only had 30 mins to finish walking 6 storeys...haix...it's a pity because I really really looked forward to shopping at the bookstore
Shopping is ok except for the bargaining part which I really hate
but I got alot of cute t-shirt
there's a baby milo jacket that I wanted but the salesgirl's attitude was so bad I didn't even feel like asking for the price...I just left
but i really wanted that jacket...haix
and I found a store the Jay Chou's ambassador...ALOT of cute guy...t-shirts (haha)
I got 2 hello kitty t-shirts there (from the guys department)
and it was on 50% sale
damn worth it
and I got my WenFangSiBao
My sister got me a little Doraemon that is sitting on the toilet bowl reading
I got a pair of shades for $6 (no need for bargaining :D)

but the tour was really tiring because of my mom
there were two parts of each day that I enjoy the most
Sleeping and Breakfast
because we were staying at Marriot
so the bed was really nice (and the bathroom too)
and breakfast was delicious (although the soup noodles queue damn long)
Apple Juice everyday!

oh and I got some 18 year old Pu'er
very nice

And thank God for Marriot's Business Centre
so course registration was totally fine

OH!
and there were 3 shows that we went to watch
the only one that I could photograph wasn't so nice (just the usual stunts)
the Shaolin one was WooHoo (and I got to take free pic with them bcus i was sitting first row at the corner so I think they compensate us) but the pic is with my auntie so i'll upload at a later date
it was a pure muscle feast man (omg so disrespectful to the Shaolin Shifus haha)
But it wasn't the main lead that caught my eye..hee wait for the pic to come out and see if you all can tell who caught my attention
the other show is JinMianHuangChao...the plot was so-so but the set up of the stage was mind blowing
5 level water fall right on the stage! Grand...but cannot take picture...so sad

compared to my last year's trip to TW
i like TW more
haha
mmm...except for the books larh...China cheaper
but I feel more at home in TW
and emphasis on NO BARGAINING shopping (I mean no need to bargain so much cause their things not ex...i mean TW)
like they dun ask for S$40 or more for a fake brand t-shirt (or something without even a fake brand)
oh which reminds me i got 2 really cute bag from the Jay Chou endorse shop
one is monkey and the other is a sailor girl
soooooooooooooo cute

now that I'm back
if i were to say one thing that i miss most about Beijing
it's the aircon and bed at Marriot...and breakfast
Apple Juice!

2011-05-23T13:38:00.002+08:00

Finally. I'm here blogging again.
I haven't been blogging much these days, probably because there isn't anything to blog about.
Exams are over and I'm enjoying my slacking days (which are supposed to be meaningfully used for reading and writing)

The REAL reason I'm finally here again is because I just went to the Kino book sale (20% storewide as usual) armed with my kino card and $50 gift voucher (bday gift from my church friend)

I bought 4 books and saved $17 ($87+ reduced to $69+)

1. What I talk about when I talk about running - Haruki Murakami

A kind of memoir for his 4 months preparation for the 2005 NY City Marathon. A reflection on the influence of the sport on his life and his writing.

"I never had any ambitions to be a novelist. I just had this strong desire to write a novel. No concrete image of what I wanted to write about....When I thought about sitting down at my desk at home and setting out to write I realised I didn't even own a decent fountain pen. So I went to the Kinokuniya store in Shinjuku and bought a sheaf of manuscript paper and a five-dollar Sailor fountain pen. A small capital inventment on my part."

2. The Sea - John Banville (Winner of the Man Booker Prize 2005)

"Grief, memory and love recollected." Professor John Sutherland

"They departed, the gods, on the day of the strange tide. All morning under a milky sky the waters in the bay had swelled and swelled, rising to unheard-of heights, the small waves creeping over parched sand that for years had known no wetting save for rain and lapping the very bases of the dunes."

3. Testaments Betrayed - Milan Kundera (who also wrote The Unbearable Lightness of Being...that I wanted to buy but was unavailable)

An essay in 9 parts. A personal essay in which Kundera attacks the shifting moral judgemennts and persecutions of art and artists.

"Nietzsche's refusal of systematic thought has another consequence: an immense broadening of theme; the barriers between the various philosophical disciplines, which have kept the real world from being seen in its full range, are fallen, and from then on everything human can become the object of a philosopher's thought. That too brings philosophy nearer to the novel: for the first time philosophy is pondering not epistemology, not aesthetic or ethics, the phenomenology of mind or the critique of reason, etc., but everything human"

4. 向斯说皇帝的女人 - 向斯

无声的战场 - 后宫荣华富贵或万劫不复就在。。心计

看了由林心如主演的《美人心计》后深感后宫的斗争并不亚于战场上将士、军师们的某略。女人的心计从忌

心妒意所生的陷害到殃国殃民的倾城之计历史上不胜枚举。

男人的风光伟业，君王英雄们的辉煌历史我们耳熟能详。但历世上女人的心计我们知道多少？

就如俗话所说最毒妇人心

2011-05-08T12:20:00.002+08:00

3 down 1 to go

was talking to my sister about holiday plans yesterday
she gets to go to some island for school camp
retard is going to kukuk (did i spell tt right?...why does that name remind me of the kkk)
xing just came back from hk

where does that leave me?

with my books i guess...

i'm going to take a one week break from internet soon
i've been off facebook for more than a month

here's the plan
Day 1: No IT day, not going to use internet or even my phone (so i'll be uncontactable)
Day 2 - 3: No Internet
Day 4-7: 15 minutes Internet (just to check email)

I'm trying to reduce my internet consumption (which is HUGE since my being introduced to Youtube and now with Funshion...it's worse)
With the rapid flow of information and speed of the internet we are getting increasingly impatient and concentration span has been significantly reduced
so I'm going to retreat into my world of books
I think I'll accomplish more things by staying away from the internet

and Good News for my mom
I'm going to take my sister out during hols so we can both stay away from the internet (youtube specifically) we're both Youtube addicts
I told my sis i might just bring her to starbucks or tcc and we can both sit there and read our books for hours

i'm looking for a cafe by the sea...reccommendations?
i love the sound of the sea and I can just sit and stare at it for hours
too bad the weather in spore is nt suitable for ppl with low heat tolerence like me
night is good
but who wants to go to the beach with me at night?

breakfast at eastcoast
waiting for sunrise
sounds like a gd idea
and i know just the person to ask (hee hee hee *evil smile*)

2 minutes to tuition
why do i feel so tired

2011-04-25T20:15:00.002+08:00

Notice how I never write in proper sentences when I'm blogging? Everything is grammatically all over the place, I hardly use punctuations properly. (I just ... as a pause between streams of ideas)
If I read a book that wrote things the way I write my blog, I'll probably throw it aside after the first page. And don't be surprised, there are such book. (without the ...)

Churning my last essay for Modernism (which I have been poning like nobody's business) and just feeling glad that I wrote the entire essay for workshopping last tuesday. But from the looks of it, much of what was written has to be re-written or just, clean, deleted away.

My prof said it's more like a 20 page essay. I said the same thing to the classmate who was doing peer critique for me. The word limit for this essay is 2500 to 3000, I said I need like 25 000 words to get to the point. Ironically, it is about the artist's musing that we cannot talk directly about the world.

I didn't get my special sem module. Can't say I'm upset because I feel kinda relieve. I want to work on a couple of essays over the hols, hopefully I'll do that. I'm suppose to finish a short story for submission on 2nd May, but considering the fact that I'm suppose to spend time this week and next studying for exams, I guess I'll just have to submit for Lightship writing competition and Golden Point instead.

I know I'm crazily free (or simply slacking) but I finished watching 美人心计 casting Ruby Lin (40 episodes) and 侦探成旭 (30 episodes) within the last 2-3 weeks. The former is really a super interesting piece of drama but if you hate the plotting and women rivalry type of drama then I suggest not to try watching it. (Plus plenty of 'good people' and emperors dying)

2011-04-05T10:09:00.003+08:00

A dream is a wish your heart makes
when you're fast asleep
In dream you will lose your heartache
whatever you wish for you keep
~ A dream is a wish your heart makes (Cinderella)

my dream is your permanent ally
and i'm pretty sure you have an outpost in my heart
and when i sleep a spy is sent to hijack my dream
and when my alarm rings
you crash the plane into the building
all I'm left with
are the debris, dust and smoke

*that's what essays do to you...totally random

2011-04-04T18:38:00.002+08:00

Just saw some photoes and vid the Hall 6 ppl posted for this year's cultural night.
I miss the stage
miss the rehearsals
can't say i miss everyone back there but those few

saw chinthin, fund, max, boon and an unidentifiable guy dancing to 2PM's I'll be Back...
chinthin is still ...nervously cute (like she freeze up a lil on stage...smhow)
fund still looks really gd on stage
max is still bloody funny
boon's singing n dance is still good

but i'm no longer part of that crew
just an audience
and a happy one

they are the best thing (non-academic) that happened to me in uni
everytime i look at pic of friends who have a uni LIFE...i can't help but feel left out
but...we can't turn back time
though i would still say this
the BIGGEST mistake i made upon entering uni
is to join Judo

but regret is not a ticket to the rewind button
all i can do now is to ensure that i will not want to hit rewind for this period of time

i look at friends who are doing well and sigh that i haven't done much
I've an ex-classmate who is currently studying law (actually i know 1...2...3...4...5...6 ex-classmates who are studying law) and she's also a ballet pianist...like how cool is THAT?!

i've already signed up/registered for special sem 1...i need that one month break before sem 2...hopefully i get to clear my biz PE...seriously speaking i rather do science than biz...but well...at least it beats maths and engin (oops sorry ah ma)

thought of the day "if i want to be a writer, i should WRITE"
sounds easy?
harder than you think...
especially when controled by spirit of Laziness

i should find a special place for writing (cause i give in to the temptation of youtube too easily at home)

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer. ~Karl Kraus

Writing is a struggle against silence. ~Carlos Fuentes

2011-03-30T16:02:00.007+08:00

草菅人命的人把别人的生命视为粪土的人

我憎恨这样的人

这也是我爱看推理小说的原因

因为善恶终有报现实中大概不是这样吧

对于其它事情似乎从未有过执着的热情

唯独对推理从开始到现在都没有间断过

可以吧？自己的笔下应该也可以刻画出人性的黑暗

在我故事的国度里就算是片刻可以有正义真理

真善美无善无美只有真

2011-03-24T13:02:00.002+08:00

what happens when you have the best car in the world...satisfactory amount of fuel...but you're just not driving it? (sorry just took btt so i'm using a car metaphor)

I told hweehsia yesterday (we met at the printing station...haha)
i asked for an extended deadline (24 hours) for my essay
and prof said it would be marked in a stricter way
and i said no prob at all

it's not arrogance
it's confidence
confidence that i will not write a piece of work that i'm feel is gd only when the marking is lenient
regardless of the marking style
i write the same thing
that's my commitment to my work

the only prob i have now is
i have the vision and desire to do something
i have the talent (confidence....confidence)
i have an amt of knowledge (which i feel needs to be expanded indefinately)
but i'm not driving

reason?
one word that has been the chief dictator of my life
LAZY

acronym for?
Little
Action
Zero
Yield
(my lame creation)

i tried to count off the things that i've picked up but not persisted in my life
just lookin at the list makes me...haix

P5-6: Piano
Sec1-2:Guitar
Sec1-4: Dance (cca)
JC1-2: Belly dancing
JC1-2: Yoga
B4 Uni: TaeKwonDo (ok i gave this up because of injury)
Uni 1: Judo
Uni 2: Aqua aerobics
Uni 3: Korean language (okok this one is still in progress)
Uni 3: Korean/and other cooking (this is ALSO in gd progress)

i never persisted...EVER

I don't know what to say to myself
what can i do to get my butt off the chair
youtubing is not a skill to be proud of

2011-02-27T11:52:00.003+08:00

it's just a lil thing i've been telling my girl friends nowadays
something i wouldn't even have tot of...erm...2 years ago?

now cast these words in iron and burn it into your heads
the 'guy', whoever he may be (tall, short, fat, thin, handsome, normal, WHATEVER)
should not "accept" you for who you are
he should adore you, want you, worship the soil you walk on (ok that last one might be a lil exaggerated)
you should not be the one he "settles" for
you should be the one he is "fighting" for
I'm not saying you should be playing hard to get
I'm saying you should love yourself more and he should love you more if he hasn't been

it doesn't matter if he's a billionaire and you're a waitress serving at astons
it doesn't matter if he looks like wuzun and you look like every other girl on orchard road

you're worth as much as you're willing to believe, behave and live the worth

if he think he's too good for you
fine
let him wander into the arms of some more "deserving" woman
you're perfectly better off singing kbox with your friend and shopping for books (ok that second one applies to book lovers like me, you can replace it with shopping for shoes, clothes, cosmetic or whatever the hell you like)

of course on reading this some ppl might just pour the cold bucket of water on me and say, it's just because you don't like anyone now...wait till there's someone and see if u say the same thing...well we'll see by then wouldn't we?

there's no one on the plate/stage/arena whatever the right word is right now
there isn't even anyone on the radar
whatever
i have gabriel g.m, nobokov, martin a, dh lawrence and a LONG list of "dates"
i was tellin hweehsia
i have to read, i have to watch "reid" (spencer from cm), i have school work, i have writing stuff, i have to meet up with friends, i have to learn korean, i have to cook for myself, and i have a long list of i have to's
so
ultimately the message is
i'm busy and unavailable

think about it
i went for a play yesterday then met retard, ate prata, shop at NTUC, talk crap about random things, walk and shop, come back home and watch WGM and read books
i like it now

i'm not writing these to convince myself
i wouldn't have bothered writing them if not that i feel ppl have to be reminded that we can be happy on our own
someone who told me that about 2 or 3 years ago

"So Buffy took some time off in the middle of the apocalypes and it was HER decision?"
"You tried to record the ultimate evil? Why? To royally piss it off?"
"Apparently I just slaugtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I'm not really worried about being polite anymore"

2011-02-25T19:30:00.004+08:00

Borders Book Sale
I queued for the LONGEST period of time ever in my 22 years of life
2 freakin hours
and I finished an entire book in the process
and my feet are killing me

9 books!

1. What do Existentialist Believe?
2. Milan Kundera: The Curtain (an essay in seven parts)
3. PD James: Talking about Detective Fiction (this is the one i finished in the queue)
4. Dracula: The Undead (By Dacre Stoker, Great grandnephew of Bram Stoker, the original writer of Dracula)
5. The Vampire Encyclopedia
6. The Encyclopedia of Crime
7. Monsters: History's most evil men and women
8. Codebreaker: History of Codes and Ciphers
9. Plea of Insanity by Jilliane Hoffman

and I just watched a video of Jilliane Hoffman talking about how she became a writer...there were two parts i found really funny

1-"My husband would have by his bedside books like Who moved my Cheese and How to manage your people. And I would have like The Greenriver Killer...."
quoted very loosely from memory

2- "He would be watching ESPN and I don't even remember who was on and I would turn to him and say "I think I can pour acid over their faces"" That's when her husband pursuaded her to get the plot outta the head and start writing...after he moved ever so slightly away from her....haha

oh and there's the part she said her husband would tell her children to be quiet because "mommy's killing someone" hahaha (writing)

well this is the light hearted side of the story
I once read about a female writer who specialises in Poison, like REAL Poison not just fiction. She would be typing these things about Poison for her book and she would look at her husband's coffee and push it away from herself.
THAT is what it feels like, even just so slightly, to be afraid of your own mind

anyway...some of the stuff i bot was truly a steal cause i rmb one book cost smth like 70 bucks? and i got it at 15....which is like WOOHOO cheap

and although they say $2-$15 but most of the books i liked were $10 and above so I really couldn't buy everything i wanted...one other book I wanted to get was erm...I think "I am Will" about an undergrad writing his thesis on Shakespeare and concurrently Shakespeare's side of the story when he was 18...duno...tot it shld be a fun book but...wells

actually...after reading like 10 pages of the existentialist book..i kinda regret gettin it...shld have gotten the Shakespeare one

and for some reason i wanna drink slurpee...is tt how u spell tt thing? the last time i drank it was probably....in secondary school days...

Going to watch CLOSER tml with HweeHsia! Weeeee~
I heard from various ppl tt it's damn gd

oh! and another Big Mamma movie is coming up
Me WANNA WATCH

and...2pm's Taecyeon...I like him...erm no i don't...I like his body (eww sick)
and also IU...she's DAMN cute! :D

shld i read drac first or plea of insanity....
shit i shld read women in love first cause i need it on tues for mod...and also readings for postmod on wed...urgh

and sherlock in america is lying there looking pitiful because i am not reading it

"Hell is empty, all the devils are here" Shakespeare

"I could, but I'm paralysed with not caring very much"
"A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure"
"Dracula? Pouncer bugger owes me eleven pounds for one thing."
all quotes by Spike (the hottest vampire EVER....step aside Cullen!)

2011-02-19T17:42:00.002+08:00

i bot two books yesterday from Kino Sales...I mean come on, there's a book sale going on and you expect me to do nth about it? no way...i head down from school and happily walked amidst the shelves and shelves of goodies!
but the sad thing was that the book i wanted is too new...it isn't even in yet...so...wellx...i got a sherlock holmes spin off book "Sherlock Holmes in America" erms...i read a bit...not exactly very nice but whatever...and the other book is "The Devil and Sherlock Holmes" They're just putting his name there to sell the book cause outta the 12 stories only one is about Holmes...Well The Murder Room put his name on the cover when it had absolutely nth to do with him...and it was crappy although alot of ppl liked it...I didn't

mystery stories should be about the pursuit of truth, and if you know who the criminal is right from the start, know how he commited his crime and why, then what's the point? I want to solve the case together with the story not have it solved for me like I'm some IQ20 idiot...(I'm an idiot just one with high IQ)

anyway I shld get started on Women in Love...I pray hard that it's better than Portrait because that one really made me wanna shred the book into pieces...
but this one is like double the number of pages so it better be good...

I wanted to start on Invisible Cities but decided that Modernism lesson is the day before Postmod so i shld do that reading first...i shall read at least half

I like reading...but only those books I choose for myself

I want to eat kimchi jjigae
Steak
watch Green Hornet
drink Apple Tea
and I want that book that is unavailable

it's called Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of E-Personality

oh and I like Oetoriya...or translated as I'm a loner by CN Blue

2011-02-09T22:45:00.002+08:00

i love Criminal Minds and I'm currently reading a book by Katherine Ramsland (talk bout this in a lil) that is ref to it...but mainly it's about Criminal Psychology

Katherine Ramsland, is a terrific writer (because i'm no gd judge about the content she writes I can only talk about her writing) she's engaging and some people think that since she's talking about something that is so sensational in itself (criminal psychology and serial killers) it shouldn't be hard to get the readers' interests...well let me tell u this...i've read quite a number of books on similar subjects and nearly every one was put down after about 2 pages and on unique circumstances I work pass 20 pages because i have nothing else available to read (like when it's the only book i have in my bag and i'm stuck on a long train ride)...but Katherine Ramsland's books are nothing like those...she writes remarkably well and I think even for someone who has little interest in the content, the read itself should be pretty entertaining

now i have Freud, Nietzsche and Katherine Ramsland on my table.
Feeling a lil' Reid-ish now (Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds)

anyway I AM watching criminal minds now, haven't really revisited a lot of episodes when it was still available on tudou but now that it's gone, i treasure whatever episodes i can still find on the net...awesomeness...not the crime, just the show...and Reid of course
I'm considering buying the DVD set, but then again...it's over hundred dollars...and delivery is going to be a pain in the ass so...haix
(and i really want the Miss Marple by Geraldine Mcewan series...oh and Hercule Poirot by David Suchet and Sherlock Holmes by Jeremy Brett) oh i'm just such a mystery fan

I wanna go watch Black Swan...should be up tml
and Green Hornet though ppl told me its not worth it (and they're prob right)
and i wanna watch Red Rose White Rose (shld get the tix tml)
OH! and i wanna watch Closer too (theatre)

tonnes of things i wanna do, watch, read
and i watch criminal minds before i sleep
seriously so not bedtime material

swimming (or walking in water with a float belt)
kboxing
esplanade library
santouka (did i spell tt right?)
steak
theatre
writing
randomness
desperately trying to finish James Joyce's "Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man"
can't wait to start Birchwood
lesson at 930am
should i make kimchi pancake again?
yoshinoya beef bowl (stomach grrr...)
i need lame jokes
was thinkin of writing a theme song for me and retard using the spongebob squarepants tune
writing lyrics for a song call "the names we never met"...maybe should change it to "the names we never read"

reid is hot HOTness explosion
i wanna buy a YA fiction book on vampire (aftereffect of watching yafictionfreaks)
i haven watched Big Bang Theory (or was it just Big Bang...no that's a Korean idol group)
which reminds me that i like 2am songs
Spike is so much hotter than Edward
Buffy SOOOO much hotter than Bella or was it Belle (no..that's the girl from Beauty and the Beast)
I'm not a bicycle
I think if anything...i should be about 20% youtube
ignore if u dun understand
or read "The Third Policeman"

okok off to watch Criminal Minds
and dun worry
i'm not crazy
just not bothering to write in full sentences

2011-02-01T22:22:00.003+08:00

love can be senseless and irrational
but it should never be immoral or ammoral

as much as i love
as madly as i do
i cannot love if it is not morally right

even if my heart cannot help it
i'll right it in my head

i can't count the number of times i've been asked such questions
different forms
but asking the same thing
"does being in love justify doing something morally wrong?"
i always give the definate answer
NO
love doesn't give you the right to doing something morally wrong

thought after watching latest episode of Criminal Mind
I've never seen a pair of lovers as disgusting as a pair which has no regards for humanity or morality

2011-01-31T21:45:00.002+08:00

school started for a week...nth much except staring at the massive amt of readings
my own decision to do 5 lit mods...ttx why ppl call me crazy
but seriously..i rather sit through books and books and books than do other stuff

i'm considering doing special sem to fulfil my electives...cause i wanna free up some time for final sem...
like if i can...i will try to clear biz in special sem...if thatx at all possible
seriously...of EVERYTHING i have to do in uni
science and all
business is like my No.1 i-dun-wanna-do-it
cause there's this element in it called "people"
not that i hate humanity as a whole
i just hate doing grp work
u can't get out of it without seriously feeling pissed at someone in the grp
the only time i didn't feel piss at anyone when i did grp work was last sem for rep of asia
cause we never met
we just did our own thing and that's it
plus all the members are the typical gd worker type

can't there be a biz mod with NO grpwork
ok that is like weird rite?
haix

vday is comin..and i wouldn't have realised if i hadn't told retard about an article in timeout
there are certain days in the year i tend to miss
and there are certain days i try nt to rmb
vday falls into neither
it's just another sch day and after which i'll go home and read read read
and maybe watch somemore of Reid (spencer)

2011-01-29T19:53:00.004+08:00

from the beginning till now...i only saw things from my POV
i of all ppl should take your stand
but because i'm worried
i haven been able to

i've been thinking and figured
what's the use of talking
what's the use of thinking
love has never been that way

then i put myself in your shoes
and then i understood
even if one know that one will drown
one still jumps into the sea
because there's a force that can't be explained
a certain something
that makes us crazy
makes us mad
makes us happy
makes us sad

even if we fall and hurt
we still thank that someone that let us know how it feels like to hurt

someone once told me
if it's not mutual it's not love
let me tell u this
i don't believe in that
because if it's not love
then what is left of me?

it's not something rationality can sort out on its own
it's never rational
even for someone like you

so now
i don't need to tell you what to look out for
where to avoid the pitfalls
where to stop where to move
i'll just be there
to pick you up if you fall

there's no reason in all this
if pressed for my reason
i can only say
because it was he
because it was me

so
don't bother thinking
just go where you want to

even if you're changed
don't be afraid
because there's a part of you that's in my keeping
and at least that will not change

2011-01-25T11:18:00.002+08:00

first day of sch...haven went...but i think it's the first time i don't really feel the hols slipping away...i just passed it day by day...and when school came it just was so...nth more nth less

the only complaint i have is....WHY TODAY BEEHOON STALL NEVER OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i specially woke up at 730AM to eat beehoon and tada no beehoon..
should have slept in

now that it's pouring outside...it's really not helping to cheer me up for first day of school...
i wanted cool breeze and bright sun!

too lazy to buy lunch...shall make shin ramyeon in a bit..eat hearty and bathe the weariness aside

at least the rain seem to be clearing up a LITTLE

modernism today postmodernism tomorrow

listening to kim dong ryul: Like a Child (a ee chuh rhum)

2011-01-23T00:40:00.003+08:00

in a moment of panic and paranoia...my mind turned to two things

1. My readings
2. My Faith

I'm more surprise with the latter...I haven't been reading the bible or going to the church for a long time...and in a moment like this..before anyone thought about it...I said "Pray to God"
and my mother commented "fancy the one who haven't been to the church for such a long time to be the first one to think of praying"
and I was calmer after my mother prayed
God's work
I've seen it...experienced it countless times...
Is this what he wants me to see?

Is God trying to show me something?
The two things that I can rely on always....
My knowledge and The Lord

2011-01-20T16:54:00.003+08:00

ah after 20 days I decided to blog again
because I BOUGHT NEW BOOKS (for school)

The Third Policeman
One hundred Years of Solitude
Lolita
Kitchen
Orphans of Asia
Birchwood
Invisible Cities
Time's Arrow

I'm reading The Third Policeman now...to say it's like Dante's Inferno is a lil...duno how to say it...but it reminds me of Banville's Book of Evidence...at least up to where I've read

Met my primary school best friend on mrt while i was reading and highlighting and noting on the book...she called across and said "You really are a bookworm"
haha...shld see me when i'm highlighting and noting on non-school books

anyways...hols comin to an end...nth much
cooked mostly...learn a few dishes

Kimchi bokumbap (kimchi fried rice)
Kimbap (sushi)
Bulgogi (pork and chicken)
Kimchi jjeon (kimchi pancake)
Dwenjang tang/jjigae (soy bean soup)
Kare/Curry

I TRIED to make kuay teow...wah epic fail
let's just stick to korean dishes for now :D

feels nice to get books for school
eating at ajisan alone feels nice too

shld i catch a movie alone then eat something alone again tml?
the serenity of feeling everything around you because it's quiet in you
i like being with friends
but being alone has it's perks
listening to the movement and sound of people around you...
it's nice
except when it's NOISE on the upper deck of the bus

ahhh~ I hope this coming sem would be one like yr 2 sem1...
that would be pure bliss

HL313 Postmodernism (YEAH)
HL333 Theatre Culture and Performance (can't rmb exact)
HL210 East Asian Literature
HL206 Modernism

hope my elective is a lit class too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bliss

alot of plays i wanna watch

1. Gura of Chai
2. Red Rose White Rose
3. Deciphering the Peach Garden Oath
4. Titus ....2.0 (can't rmb exact)
5. Emily of the Emerald Hill
6. Kumar and the Amazing Race

2011-01-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

so as I sip from my cup filled with ice (needed the cooling down from all the walking along the beach and to and fro the bus stop..for HQ's bday) I re-read my 2010 new year resolutions

Hold on to what I can't lose
Get hold of what I must have
Stay where I don't want to leave
and Move from where I don't want to stay

can't say I managed to fulfil much of my 2010 new year resolutions but parts of it
but 2010 has been a year of growing up...not older...just stronger...more sure of myself...things begin to fall into perpective...and I feel so much more comfortable with myself
maybe it has something to do with being 21...maybe it has to do with that trip to taiwan....maybe it's just the right time
but i love how i feel about life and myself now and even if everything else wasn't fulfilled I still think that this is a great experience in 2010

Academic
I admit...I have been lazy...alot lazier than in second half of 2009...
BUT that's going to change! I'm getting back into that Yr2Sem1 mode...
Although I haven't really figured out why I feel so tired this sem (though it probably has to do with 87kg an aching heel...correct that..easily aching body and weird eating and slpin habits)
SO 2011...that's going to change..
but before I get into the health part...let's just set a few academic goals

1. 4.8-5.0 (ave grade A- to A)

i'll explain this..because I've been gettin quite a few A-...but A is kinda appearing less than I like it too...this sem' essay (including a monologue, a theatre review, a film review...) the few that I have received back...A, A, A-, A-, B+....I got B+ for my monologue...haix

2. get into research

long to explain but I know u all understand.

that's basically it...I shall not delve into the specifics

Health

2010...my body is sending out serious signals of damage
viral infection, high blood, aching heel and body...and alot of other lil things

so
1. I made a fast food quota of '5'

I know that sounds like ALOT of some ppl (like xing who eats very lil fast food) but come on I'm scaling down....

2. study more about nutrition and health related stuff ....AND DO THEM

ok truthfully I don't know how to explain this...it's like I feel I should be taking specific food ...type of food....and the rest...it's not just about eating oats and vegetables...there's more to that...teas that are gd for some thing...soups that are gd for some things...u know that kind

3. If I set my goal BMI at 19...I have to be about 48kg...(woah gd luck to that) so...to be realistic...let's just go for 70, 65, 59, 55, 52, 50, 48...that's the intervals...

but more impt...exercising...I think it will make me ALOT more efficient in EVERYTHING
and gd (healthy...non-rabbit) food

4. slpin time 11pm-8am...well at least TRY

Writing and Reading

ah this is impt...and is a new section of my resolution makin

Word Goal: 100 000 words
includes- essays, reviews, scripts, songs, fanfic (i still write those....), opinion stuff (non-blog)

Reading Goal: 100 books
includes- novels read for lit classes, plays, any reading material in book form

*includes both English and Chinese

Plays & Movies: Should watch 3 each (just to keep the artsy part up..)

there are a few more small things...shld avoid makin too many small resolutions...too specific very hard to fulfil...and shall not be overly ambitious

1. saving for grad trip
2. taking up yoga at the second half of the year if my health is in better condition that it is now
3. ain't that keyboard a lil dusty?

finally...I want to thank all my friends and wonderful profs for making 2010 such a wonderful year...oh and my parents....my sister (with whom I now have the commo topic of korean idols)...my students...my classmates...and of course MYSELF

Motto of year 2010

Live out Loud

Motto of year 2011

Leap of Faith. Dare to Dream

2010-12-27T10:39:00.003+08:00

I finished The Lost Symbol 2 days ago...spent...about...8 hours? on it
my verdict? ...hmm...
although it's quite a page turner but I think that was more because of the inherent propelling force of a thriller/search for the "holy grail" which in this case was the Lost Symbol...but even that wasn't in focus and I TOTALLY forgot about it along the way...alot of focus was placed on the antagonist...whose identity was suppose to be a "twist" except that I figured it LONG before the revelation...so it wasn't much fun for me (i shall not spoil it for ppl who haven't read the book...but i bet they can figure out as much as i do...the clues are bloody obvious)

on a scale of 1 to 10...I'll place it between 6.5-7 (and tending more towards the lower grade)
This is not an "A" grade piece of work for a few simple reasons
1. It relied too much on the "Yes it's this BUT..." trick
2. The 'ending' sequence was TOOOOOOOO long
3. Predictable plot
4. Focused too much on the shock/suspense/fear of the moment scenes
5. Too much like his previous works
6. Cheap tricks (I shall spoil it a lil here...Dan Brown referenced to the 'without wax' thingy and realising that ppl reading this book might also have read his other book "Digital Fortress" he decides to self-reference and had Langdon thinking "I've read it from some mediocre thriller"...he had to put it in but couldn't risk the name of reusing stuff...so...he pulled this cheap trick that mostly only amateur writers would do...if it were the real masters..they would have managed to pull off the thing in a more elegent manner...be it referencing their own work or others...don't ask me how...I'm not a master)

I bet I could list more...but I shall stop here...in case I dampen the desire to read this book in anyone who reads my post
I'm not saying you shouldn't read the book...it's still ok as a read...it's just not brilliant...and I don't quite like that
I like a page turner with value and a REAL surprise
but that's hard to come by since I've read so many things of this nature and obviously nothing surprises me much these days
(which is why i reccommend Murder on the Orient Express and Murder of Roger Ackroyd...there is another chinese (translated from jap) one that is real gd but figuring most ppl who read my blog dun wanna read chinese so...)
I'm off to read Hector in the Search for Happiness now...should read something light in view of the two thriller/mystery books that I've finished

*for all I have said about Dan Brown I still must acknowledge that he is an international best selling author who for some aspects I admire...afterall...I'm not an international best selling author
(which reminds me that I wanna read the "Girl with a dragon tattoo" series...just wanna know why it's so popular...and The Confession by John Graham?...i forgot how to spell the name...but that'll have to wait till I finish most of what I've bought...which is alot btw)

2010-12-23T10:06:00.003+08:00

everyone should get a copy of "The Sherlockian"
I ain't going to say much since i wanna get to The Lost Symbol soon
All i can say is...I couldn't put the book down despite the fact that i really wanted to sleep...i had to finish the book and I did
Incredible stuff...works your heart up and make sure it stays that way until you breathe in every last bit of air from 19th turning 20th century London
And did you know Bram Stoker (author of Dracula) was a friend of Doyle? (author of Sherlock Holmes)

it is not a story about Holmes yet it has everything to do with Holmes
Holmes is like the connector
Between the Author and the Reader
Between Doyle 1900s (in the story) and Harold 2010 (the other protagonist)
it is a story about the pursuit of Truth...but more about the Pursuit itself
and it began with the Murder...of Sherlock Holmes

I'm going to write a better review after I re-read the thing...and perhaps after I re-read my Sherlock stories...(which is irritating because my sister lost the book...darn!)

2010-12-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

I've finished exams! woohoo!
okay i have a confession to make...this sem...i have been uber slack...missing readings...missing classes (now ttx nth new)...and i've been super slack on my exam preparations too...i duno what's wrong with me
with that said...being the end of the year...i shld start picking up
and that starts with tidying my room
1. file everything properly
2. sort out the books
3. get bookshelf
4. empty the table for a proper workspace

after tt i shall look at course registration

and then the battle starts all over again

and of course there's the annual year resolution blog post (i have a feeling i haven't accomplish much this year...shld set realistic goals for 2011)

can it just be a leap of faith
in me in you in you all
if I fly you watch me soar
if I don't you let me fall
because after the fall we both know
I'm stronger than ever
than if I had never
dared to venture into the unknown

where shld i start my reading?
1. The Lost Symbol
2. The Sherlockian (on tml's booklist)
3. some chinese/jap mystery book
4. Plato and Platypus goes into a bar (i already started on the train today)

maybe i'll just read everything at the same time

booksBooksBOOKS

oh and I saw a website about writers commiting their word count goal..i'm nt joinin cause the whole forum thing just doesn't appeal to me...but I guess I'll set a word count goal too...

i saw 50k to 250k
250k seems reasonable...since i can write a 40k in 3 days....50k would be too little

if i write 1000 words a day...365days...365k....
hmm...

i've decided to write I...then...DI...D? into a full play...nt tt i haven't...just tt it's nt satisfactory yet...Killing Butterfly seems to be tt way too...

I wanna write some kind of parody play/fict of vampire romance...because i just can't stand the fact tt twilight is occupying sooooo many ppl's bookshelf space...even more than harry potter and dan brown...(shall nt even begin on the more...book prize worthy books)....ok i admit i read crap stuff ALOT too...but Twilight?...pass me my mystery please

encourage me people! I need that....I need to get into the habit of writing substantial things...and shld get started on tt essay i wanna submit for mentor access...
1. The book of evidence (rewrite essay from one year ago) I need to find the hardcopy with Neil's comments
2. Inception (the movie)
3......i duno....Dr. Copernicus?

shower me with love and encouragement....i need it more than ever now...(especially after my slack sem)

tidy up my table
tidy up my mind
tidy up my schedule
and it'll all be fine

maybe i shall set more academic, book and writing goals for 2011...since those are things i am best at...it shld be easier to achieve...(who has time to teach me keyboard?!)

2010-12-17T18:49:00.003+08:00

most naturally after I return from book shopping i have to talk about my buys here so here goes

at the MPH book sale...for $7 each (5 for $35)

1. The Lost Symbol (hardcover) definately worth every cent of my 7 dollars
2. Decoding The Lost Symbol ...well it's always gd to know
3. Jung: Memories, Realities...
4. 4x Agatha Christie compiled stories
5. Agatha Christie: Tell me how you live
6. Solar by Ian McEwan (who also wrote Black Dogs)
7. Portrait of a Young Artist by James Joyce (well it's a lit book that i think is impt to read since the author that i like ..banville likes it too...affects his writings)
8. Beatrice and Virgil (from the author of Life of Pi)

Popular Bookfest
1. Geisha, A life (20% discount)
2. Being a Photographer (Yann Arthus) (20% discount)
3. 三国志
4. 三十六计
5. 唐诗
6. 论语
7. 最美的词 (all 5 chinese books at $7.90 for 5)

there you have it...18 books...

Best Buy (for discount): The Lost Symbol (obviously)

Best Buy (value of content in proportion to price): the 5 chinese books

I wouldn't have bought at the regular price
1. The Lost Symbol
2. The Agatha Christie Books

I would have bought at regular price
1. The chinese books
2. Solar

well that concludes my book spree for TODAY
i'm going to kino booksale after 301...got to have my Art of war bilingual version
and Hector in the search of happiness and The Finkler Question

此水几时休？此很何时已？只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意。
from 最美的词

2010-12-08T20:53:00.003+08:00

time for the term evaluation I do before exams (and after exams)

this term passed by with alot of mixed feelings
classes that are both enjoyable and not enjoyable at the same time
classes that I feel I have put in effort and NOT put in effort at the same time

but some class is clear cut pon-through

HL301: Film Theory
Brian's class...kicked off well but i slacked off the in middle only to pull back towards the end...i enjoy and gave him my 100% every lesson (if i was there) but i have to admit i haven't been the most consistent in watching the films...but again this lesson proves that I'm really a more theory person...i love film theory but i can't say i love film as much...i like movies like everyone does but some movies are just...*yawns*
and ironically the main thing that's keeping me away from focusing on film theory is FILM...i love the theorists...i love the theory and i love the prof...but i really am not a huge fan of FILMs...well...

HL220: Creative Writing (monologue)
arguably my fav mod of all...play writing...I love jocelyn i like the class and without i doubt i like creative writing...i've found my own style and voice in writing and that comes from at least 10 or 15 years of info gathering (mystery watching...and reading)...I think she's already figured out my style...naming me when some psycho stuff comes up in other plays...well that's a gd thing...i hope there's other joce mods i can take...cause it's a real stress reliever

HL211: Representations of Asia
Prof Lee...I like her...she's very passionate about her topic and very very very nice...(kind of like the Jessie Morgan type...refer to previous term review if u dun rmb...but i guess most of u wun care enough to do that...so i'm just sayin) i enjoyed lessons but i have to admit i haven been keeping up with readings...that's new cause i always rather skip lessons than to go without reading...but maybe because i can understand her lessons even without the readings so..well...but i love the readings (and didn't read them?) and i did essay and presentation on my fav reading M Butterfly

talking bout M Butterfly...i really went through the thing like THROUGH...
1. I directed a piece for my perf class
2. I wrote the essay (which i came up with my own topic cause there wasn't the m butterfly question)
3. I did the presentation (kinda did the existentialist version of it)
*and i think this is not my first existentialist work...i think it was banville...or was it pirandello?...i think it's the latter

CDP 101: theatre perf
major split between loving my classmates and *ahem* my instructor (potential 1000 word ranting topic)...
This is the class in which I got along best with the ppl and made lotsa new frens (u know...given my record)...partially because it's such a hands-on mod...we go for lunch together after every lesson and just talk crap...got to know some of my juniors...got to know my lit classmate alot better...and of course ppl from other faculties...well the only "flaw" is *ahem*

I got nth to say about TCM

on the whole i have to say this is by far one of the most "fun" sem of my 3 years here...the most fulfilling was yr 2 sem1 (with contemporary lit, modern drama, lit and science and forensic...only flaw was HRM)...
i look forward to the next sem...hopefully Murphy will be taking Postmodernism (cause i dowan anyone else except Murphy...ok now i sound real like a kid)...and perhaps Irish lit...lit and photography should be back but i duno...i might have to get to talk to Jessie Morgan before i register....cause despite the fact that i really really love her...the other mod i took with her was *haix*....not her fault...just the content...and i'm looking for other Brian's theory mods...approaches to lit..but i think that's only available in sem1...jocelyn mod? hopefully there will be...electives...try to see if got biz mod that i wan...and unrestricted elective...hmm...chinese ink painting? ceramics?...and i'm also tempted to take tangney's mod just because i really like him...but then...well...let's just see...shakespeare turned out fine but that doesn't say anything about anything else he teaches...

i haven accomplish much side stuff this sem...non-academic stuff i mean...but it's going to be over in less than 2 weeks....and xing will be back soon which is great...i miss kboxing with her
retard has been like my sole recharging source this sem...duno...might be taxing her out or i might be helpin her recharge too HAIL LAMENESS~
3506 had...2 outings this sem? once to chomp chomp (sugarcane!) and once to jam's bday...did we have a kbox session? no right? oh yea and there was that breakfast outing to...i can't rmb but it was far...but fun!...yea and there's goin to be HQ's 21st bday party at the end of the year! (literally 31st)

have a lil tot about spending christmas..i'll probably be alone again...OR 3506 might be havin our sleepover (or non-sleepin over gathering at yuanhan's) but it beats being at home alone...but that isn't a bad thing either...i really like just slackin and watching youtube...(i should set up a youtube blog talking about videos that i'm watchin...haha...)

anyway...back to studying..i intend to...attempt to study through the night because i obviously am not the most discipline in the morning (although that's like the ideal studying time)...so maybe just for tonight...den i'll sleep after breakfast...then go sch photocopy notes from lynn...then come back and study until sleepy again...TIME IS PASSING AS I AM ON YOUTUBE

everything i want the world to be
is now comin true especially for me
and the reason is clear
it's because you are here
you're the nearest thing to heaven that i've seen
To my MILOs (2 overseas...1 leaving on the last day of my exams)

2010-12-06T13:19:00.003+08:00

handed in my final essay today...of course there's still that study guide that i have to finish before 301 exam which is like the last day of exam...will work through it while i revise...

2 more weeks...

lotsa revision...but luckily only 3 exams...
that's a gd thing

i went to the graduate info session last ....friday...
makes me wanna work harder because it really isn't very...let's just say it's not a very smooth path ahead
but...you all have so much faith in me...so much that it will knock down the boulders and slash through the torns...and even if I emerge with scars and bruises...I know there's no storm you all will not brave with me
poetic
I'm reminded like everyday that people have so much faith in me...so much that it sometimes makes me feel like asking why?

I'll be away for a while
Stay here and wait
Give me your smile
Just for my sake

I don't know how long I'll take
To walk the path straight ahead
I don't even know if it is straight

But I know I can brave through the storm
The thunder the fear and the rain
If you just tell me...you'll stay the same

Ok random feel to write stuff so that's that...haha...I'm into the storm metaphor today...maybe because i showed my student a snow white clip yesterday....or maybe cause i watched buffy
and did i say spike is like the number one hottest vampire
who obviously doesn't need to glitter in the sun and emo all the time to be cool

i should get studying
*watches another buffy vid*

booksale
bookfair
is there going to be a kino sale?
cinderel-lah

2010-12-01T14:52:00.002+08:00

The reason I'm blogging again is because I have work to do...haha
predictable

tell me have you ever loved and lost somebody
wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry...
have you ever felt your heart was breaking
lookin down the road you should be takin
i should know
cause i loved and lost the day i let you go

That's what I'm listening to at this moment
it's old...as old as...s club 7
haha
i wasn't even a fan of them...but i like the song

reading the lastest copy of TimeOut
I wanna intern there!
should i?
so many exhibitions/screenings/art galleries that i wanna go to
been a lil more arty than usual this sem
plays/performances/film screenings...
it's that way when there's someone who will attend together with u

until exams is over
i wouldn't attend any of these
except the book sales
haha
hey! pop book fair is like once a year ok? have to stock up
and mph sales means up to 80% off
though i still love my kino sales the best
i wanna get two of CaiKangYong's books...does MPH sell those?
I know Kino does
so many books i want to read
so many books i want to buy
*looks at the stack of books on my table*
ahem~ hee

xing would be back in about a month...
time flies
k box!
i miss singing with her...i miss singing too

who's on for going around spore to places you've never been to this hols?
sign up now! Free of charge! haha
*meal locations provided but not paid for

Hols wanna go
Ikea! (buy shelf and MEATBALLS)
Sentosa with Retard (not my request but i'll go anyway)
French Food at Cocotte
German Food at Magma (wine?)
Middle Eastern Food at Cafe Le Caire
Watch Coco before Chanel (but it's on exam week! argh)

and i want that book! "Everything you always wanted to know about Lacan but were afraid to ask Hitchcock" I want I want!!!!!!!!!!
and maybe "The Leadership secrets of Genghis Khan"
I want that Hitchcock BOOK!

ok enough bloggin..time to write essay
Munsterberg....

2010-11-29T18:17:00.002+08:00

always have the tendency to wanna blog before i start on an assignment or reading or anything

by tml

readings from Stam
watch Citizen Kane

by Friday

Brian's essay
self-analytical essay for monologue writing
monologue

ok now that i've listed it it looks ok
but looking at my mugging schedule
haha...time doesn't seem to be on my side
nevertheless we've been through worse...
why does Brian and Jocelyn's assignments always land on the same dates
okay whatever

and why does pop bookfest and mph book sale have to be right smack in the middle of my exam week?
ok because of YOG
this sucks u know
i rather go through this earlier than later
nus ppl are ending like 2 weeks before my exams start

forget it
at least i'll be having hols when the rest of the world are starting their new sch term
(in jan)
so i can have quiet getaway sessions with myself
and of course to work on our arts/not-so-arts magazine

i want tea
steak
and 'A's
and maybe a small trip
since walking around spore is not such a gd idea with my hurting heel
i wanna go to some new restaurant or arts places during the hols
but retard is broke
xing is not around
ahma....is leaving
3506...maybe (though we mostly end up at kbox...which is great btw)
i like kbox at chinatown apart from the fact that their kitchen is down
i like the touchscreen remote and big room
WITH TWO TV
and it's near Koi btw
nt that i'm a big fan of Koi...just tt ppl seem to like it alot

i'm just random-ing
shld i subscribe to TimeOut (not the choc...the magazine)
22 dollars for 12 issue...that's less than 2 per issue
the usual cost 3.95 per issue
maybe i should
since i wana go my arty way

affordable arts fair
i like that
but their affordable is between $100-$1000
and i have no place to put art stuff in my cluttered room
RETARD PLEASE HELP ME IN MY END-OF-YEAR CLEANING!!!
i need to de-clutter my room
(more space for clutter?)
i need to get two shelving units (2x2) for my books and stuff and to put my keyboard on it...and maybe one single shelf for my table
(IKEA trip! can wait for xing to come back so she can drive me there den i can save cab fare...ahem...hee~ and MEATBALLS...u girls promised me we'll go tgth last hols and we didn't! humph...haha this time ok?!)

i should get down to do my readings for tml le
that's for now

tea.steak.A

2010-11-27T19:41:00.003+08:00

I saw this vid on youtube and asked myself the same question that they've been asked

"What makes a perfect woman"

Interesting question...I guess the usual answer would have things like

Confidence
Loving herself
Comfortable in her own skin
Big Heart
Have her own dreams and pursue it

something along those lines
but I would like to add one thing onto that list
one thing that is very hard to learn

Making others around her feel beautiful and let them know that they're worth it

this is something very difficult to manage
instilling something into ourselves is already very difficult, how much harder would it be to instill something into others
so obviously not many people make it onto my list

the ppl in the vid mention ppl like Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox
Sure, those are woman who exude alot of confidence (i shan't say whether i think they're beautiful or not) but I don't connect to them
If I were to pick a White celebrity...I would choose Heidi Klum
Mother of 4, Victoria Secret model (super HOT), beautiful smile that makes everyone else around her smile as well, and although she's beautiful she's not afraid to act in "not so beautiful" ways...putting strange things on her face, dancing around in lingerie,shirt and guitar hero...
Perfect
As for Asian celebrity, the vid took ZhangZiyi, whom I shall not talk about
My pick? Obviously my oh-so-beautiful goddess Hebe Tian
Those eyes...a mixture of intoxication and eternity

Girls around me...of course I've met very impressive woman
shan't list cause those that are not listed might not be too happy
haha

then the question is "What makes the perfect Man?"

hmm...
I don't know if I've known any
of course when it comes to the opposite gender we're a lil more skeptical

Confident (but not arrogant)
Capable
Comfortable in his own skin but not to think that he's oh-so-handsome
Mature
Smart
Kind

Is there any celebrity example? erm....erm...
I'm not sure
Perhaps Jet Li, good father good husband Big Heart Smart Brains
Will Smith! Haha he has the extra humour bonus...
He said there was never a divorce prob with his wife because he just takes out that option
As long as there is no such option there wouldn't be that problem
"We're going to stay together forever so we might as well get along"
that's something that he'll say when they quarrel

What do you think? Haha...

2010-11-23T17:49:00.002+08:00

Spike: You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.

Buffy: But I don't want to be the one

Spike: I don't want to be this good looking and athletic

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7

I love this scene with Buffy and Spike...after her friends, family and group turned her away, Spike was the only one that went out for her and believed in her. The same way Buffy believed in Spike when no one would.
I always thought it was a beautiful thing.
In the end, it's the big bad vampire who saves everyone's life by dying himself...
Just before he dies...

Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't, but thanks for saying it.

jux random

2010-11-22T15:00:00.002+08:00

I was talkin to hueyhuey on msn...
nearly a year and a half since i left hall
time passes so quickly
and seconds just flow like water through my fingers
year 3 is nearly half over
there's new goals in sight
meeting new people
everyday seems different
leading us onto different paths
her question "so any guy? eye candy?"
and my answer was "nothing"
it just happens to be that way
i dun think i shifted all my focus to studying
but it just so happen
i don't know how long it's going to stay this way
and frankly i dun really care
i like it this way
taking a breather
having more impt things to do
more worthy people to care for

10 years later i might still be saying the same thing
i might not
who knows what will happen tomorrow
i might still be studying
i might be doing business
i might be teaching
i might be doing theatre
i might be doing nothing at all (and that's nt a gd thing)
but come to think of it
10 years ain't that long
i can still remember certain things from 10 years ago
when i was 11...that's P5
at that point in time
i never envisioned myself to be who i am today
5 years ago perhaps it was clearer where i was heading to (that was when i was 16)
3 years into uni
and i said to myself
"what have you done for yourself?"
i don't really know
i did things
but it wasn't enough for me
it wasn't suppose to be like that
and perhaps now's the time to move on
there are ppl jumping on the wagon together with me
ppl...do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into?
both in the good and tiring way
it all seems massive to me
but 10years later (when i'm 31)
i might thank myself for making certain decisions now

i decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow
if i fail if i succeed at least i lived as i believed
no matter what they take from me
they can't take away my dignity

2010-11-19T18:00:00.003+08:00

向西　交通阻塞

我决定下车自己走

慢点还是会到的

向东

又淋雨了

云散了人还湿透着

彩虹却浮现了

会累　但很想冲

我好奇不停破关后

未来究竟多不同

会痛　还能忍受

太倔强是好是坏呢

答案随时变动

有人说要拼命加入热门人生才幸福

其实能找到爱的另类人生才被羡慕

为最爱的事物拿真心去付出

那快乐会胜过获得最贵的礼物

有人说赢得热门人生才满足

其实有更多美景在最少人去的山谷

为自己而投入　不为了比胜负

我微笑学会了　去未来有很多路

although i think i posted the lyrics before
just wanted to post an Energy song today
everytime i see AhDi on TV (youtube) now...
it was as if a part of me had died
(ok exaggerated)
but truthfully
no matter how many other great singers i have heard
no matter how impressed i am by them
no one replaces him
no one
that voice
i heard it when i was 13
and it stays with me forever
and everytime i hear it again
it deepens that faith that it's irreplaceable

no matter how far we go
no matter how long it was
some things never changes

2010-11-17T17:35:00.004+08:00

I finished Blink yesterday and wanna move onto Tipping Point today (after i finish my essay) it's Malcolm Gladwell btw
Trump 101 is on my table and I'm through like half of it...
yesterday spent like about 2-3 hours after lunch with Jing talkin bout our magazine thingy...result? OMG larh...so many things to settle and we just can't get anywhere...we need some science/biz brain here! Arts ppl just has this incredible power do go round and roung without putting a stop to it. We can rephrase the same thing in 2000 ways and still not get an answer (well because u see in literature we usually don't have AN answer...sometimes we don't even have ANY answer...sometimes i think we don't even WANT answers)...so science brain please meet up with me after u end exams on the 1st so that i can throw (ok give) you the ideas that we already came up with...u have 20 days to process and decide what to do with it and after the slumber party we can go through it and start preparing for battle (see? arts ppl cannot even write in proper understandable manner...we're just trying to confuse everyone except the one intended to understand)

but i feel really alive now..i haven been dead all these while but i feel gd now (except the fact that i have like about 5-6 hours to finish my essay and i'm blogging to relieve stress)...it's something i want to work for and something i'm willing to leap off the edge to get to...well metaphorically

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be
~George Sheehan

2010-11-16T07:22:00.003+08:00

"张若天，他不在。他头痛不痛你不知道，但是你心很痛你是知道的。" 女王不下班 9

"这就是爱情吧？再狂妄的人在爱的面前都是卑微的。你就是想念他，你就是牵挂他，你就是没志气的想拨电话

给他。若天一定没想过，爱的发生会这么突然。" 女王不下班 5

2010-11-01T17:16:00.002+08:00

went swimming with my sister today...finally after such a long time...i'm such a lazy bum :D
anyway...didn't feel much of a strain or anything because both of us slacked in the workout because we keeping talking (and she keeps laughing)
den we went to the nearby foodcourt to get lunch (darn starving...cause i woke up at 9am den immediately pack to go swim...so i didn't get to eat breakfast at all)
den i went to popular to get some stuff...and malcolm gladwell was on 30% sale! argh...why didn't i see think before i bought blink?! and i ended up getting another one of his books...the only one that i dun have...it's called tipping point...

book maniac or bookaholic if u want

anyway...taking a break from writing essay...i should have done more earlier...now my brain is so crowded i can't even think properly

i'm typing out the points but it ain't making sense and everything just sounds like crap to me
i need my stress reliever...but...it ain't a gd thing either so i shall try to refrain...
if i have a pool in my house i would have jumped in for another swim right now
i feel so stuffed up
and it's actually an essay i believe i shouldn't have a prob with
i'm just killing myself
i can take the easy way out by writing something i'm already familiar with
but then again
that's so not my style

there's lesson tml morning which i can't pon cause i didn't go last week
darn everything is packed tgth...
but after i hand up essay at 5pm den i can go meet retard for prata

but now i just wanna sleep

which reminds me i have another written assignment due on wednesday

argh

shouldn't have slept yesterday afternoon...shouldn't have slacked last nite
but then again
what's new?

better start workin on brian's essay after i'm done with this
just that i have a dramatic reading due on 15th nov and an essay due 17th nov
no rest

how did i cope in year 2 sem one when i had so many readings to do and 3 heavy essays?
must be smth weird that sem

2010-10-27T07:30:00.002+08:00

recently i asked some of my friends this question
"what do you think i'm best at"
the respond are more or less long the lines of words and unique thinking
but the point is
it made me question myself
"why do you doubt yourself, when people around you believe you are capable of things you want to be capable of?"
my friends, my professors
i receive very little doubt
except for that massive load from myself
i wish there was/is an eraser
one that could remove the doubt from my mind

i copied down my friends' msg
and pinned it on my little notice board
so that i can see it everyday
although i say i'm narcissistic
but it seems like my self love and self doubt do coexist
looking at my friend's list
i remind myself everyday that i am capable of great things (why does that sound like some line from Harry Potter)

I've been doing well in school
academically
what is stopping me from taking a step further
fear?
of what?

仁者不忧、智者不惑、勇者不惧

i'm going to take a leap of...maybe not faith but take a thick skin move
whether it's too late or too delayed
put that in the backburner
who cares if i get rejected?
i have all these wonderful people that i can fall back on
strong but forgiving people
who loves me regardless of what i achieve
loves me because of who i already am

but it's not what is underneath
but what i do that defines me (adapted from Batman Begins)

2010-10-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

life is full or surprises...good ones bad ones
although we usually call the bad ones...shock
recently got to know about smth...i duno whether i should call it shock or surprise
because i'm more neutral than neutral about it
actually it has nth to do with me
but still can't help feeling...surprise

2010-10-22T19:36:00.002+08:00

went out today with hweehsia...cause kino got sales...haha
bot 3 books...2 at kino and one at borders (den i realise i shld have gotten it at kino cause got off...but cause i saw it at borders....but forget it...buy already)

1. plato and platypus walk into a bar: understanding philosophy through jokes
2. blink (malcolm gladwell...again): the power of thinking without thinking
3. 迴凉亭杀人 by 东野圭吾 (again)

we went to tcc for lunch...first time i ate lunch there...erm...i shld have eaten fish and chips...the risk of eating smth u nv tried b4...it doesn't suit ur taste
the passionfruit smoothie was ok
the mud pie (yes we ate it) is ok too...taste good when it's the first few spoon...den...i'm not a sweet food lover

den i went to cotton on to get a pair of pants and got a t-shirt from i forgot where...

my best buy of the day...the 3 books

wanna take up yoga...cause i'm really too heavy for most activities...so tot yoga might be a gd idea...and since i also crave to get my flexibility back (recounts wed event...was at CDP101 and doing warm ups with my group...although i'm still alot more flex then most ppl...it's hurting a lot more and i'm a lot less flex than i was...2 years ago..before i hurt my ligament...and as much as it hurts my muscles...it hurts my ego more...stupid lil thing...but i really like being able to stretch well...gives me a kick) so...once i save enough (or when i get the bursury) i will get the 10 classes card for h.om yoga (that yuanhan's fren goes to)...their's is mostly hot yoga...so i'll go and see how it is (the best thing is that the lessons that you don't finish u get to carry over to your next renewal...nice) and xing wants to take yoga anyway...so maybe dec i'll go see how it is and when she's back maybe we can go tgth (xing u heard that? you need to tone some muscles and i need to lose some fats...correct that...i need to lose alot of fats)

that's the plan for now...hopefully one day i'll get fit enough to go on to more challenging exercises...

2 things made me think about...ahem some things...today
i shall abstain from the following (be the witness of my words fellow reader...whoever u may be)
1. no fast food (1 mth...just one to start with and see how it goes)
2. 1 soft drink a week (or rather abstain from soft drink for 6 days a week)
3. ****

i'll tell u girls what happen when i meet u all

i go bathe le (feet needs warm soak...ache from walking...and suppose to wake at 7am tml cause student wants to pass me smth to mark before my 6 hour marathon tuition)

2010-10-17T16:10:00.002+08:00

死神少女4 观后感

不要轻易的把需要你的人推开因为那可能是他最后一通电话

这或许也是我可以撑下去的理由

因为我的最后一通电话绝对不会拨出去

因为有人值得我为她坚强有人值得我为她们继续下去

2010-10-16T16:58:00.003+08:00

当你跟我告白的时候

就像我的无名指有一天突然问我喜不喜欢它一样

我知道你对我来说很重要

但我不知道我是喜欢像无名指一样的阿海

还是身为女人的辛海静

~我的排队情人

2010-10-15T09:44:00.003+08:00

The things that keep me going strong

My best friends believing in me even when I doubt myself

The belief that I can find it in me to be the person I believe I am meant to be

The knowing that there are people out there who would stand by me even when they're not beside me

And knowing that if I give up hope, then there really is no more hope

A story I read in a book (where else)

two soldiers were lost in a desert
one of them injured
the able-bodied soldier hands the injured a gun with 6 bullets
"I will go look for water, fire one every hour so that I know where you are."
and so he left to look for water
the injured followed as said, fired a bullet every hour for 5 hours
at the 6th, he gave up hope
"he must have either died of thrist or have abandoned me"
he fired the last bullet into his head
30 minutes later
the other soldier returns not only with water
but with a group of desert travellers with food and camels

there's alot of other stories like that out there
and it never fails to raise this thought
"if only they have stuck it out a little longer"
there's no closer path to failure than to give up hope
so there's no excuse for falling into boring life just because we need to feed ourselves
i don't want to
even if i have to take up a not so ideal job
there will be something else in my life that will drive my passion
promise to myself

The great oak was once a little nut who held to the ground

2010-10-13T20:06:00.002+08:00

surprises everyday

there's this girl from CDP from my group
and i really like her personality and she's very pretty
and then i realise...
NO WONDER she's pretty
she's PJ prom queen, new face finalist 09 and has her own tv commercial
that's quite alot of surprises
but i should really get use to things like tt
cause i have alot of pretty girls around me
duno...i won't call myself a babe-magnet but i really do think i have many pretty friends
(where did the good lookin guys go to?)

anyway...today was/is a super unproductive day
didn't get any work done after i came home
the things i did after i got home
1. youtube
2. check mail
3. help my classmate find a jay song he wanted (cause he cannot read chinese)
4. listen to more hebe song
5. found my friend's blog and read
6. blogging
7. going to bathe (soon)
8. wash plate hang clothes

talk about unproductive
i should really get a grip man
this sem i haven been studying much
no wonder it feels like it moves so quickly
should study more study more
and need more ideas for monologue
should really try to study or do work at some places i've never tried before
(which includes ntu lib cause i never study there b4...but something tells me i wun try)
i wanna try starbucks (nv try also)
maybe can on the day we're suppose to meet jocelyn to do script consultation

nights are not good for reading mystery novels
i should read brecht later
and tml i would read stam and catch up on my 211
(and maybe cook fish...haha random)

i need more life

2010-10-06T18:22:00.002+08:00

finally CDP first presentation is over
there were moments in the play when i stood look and went "shit he/she forgot his/her line"...and it was quite a few lines...but thankfully the pauses all seemed appropriate enough and the whole performance though not flawless was still great
although my group seemed to doubt me when i told them that it was great

i have a new group now
there's a grp member from the previous group
thank God I got her
she's a very efficient and sweet person so...makes life better for me

如果你眼神能够为我

片刻的降临

如果你能听到

心碎的声音

沉默的守护著你

沉默的等奇迹

沉默的让自己

像是空气

大家都吃著聊著笑著

今晚多开心

最角落里的我

笑得多合群

盘底的洋葱像我

永远是调味品

偷偷的看著你

偷偷的隐藏著自己

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心

你会发现你会讶异

你是我最压抑

最深处的秘密

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心

你会鼻酸你会流泪

只要你能听到我

看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的她们

暧昧的空气

我和我的绝望

装得很风趣

我就样一颗洋葱

永远是配角戏

多希望能与你有一秒

专属的剧情

this is the lyrics from 洋葱
was quite a while ago when this song came out
but i think the new version by 叮当 is better
especially the mv
(i'm not bias although the lead male is 修杰楷)
cause the mv actually enacted the emotions in the lyrics very well

2010-10-05T20:51:00.002+08:00

sometimes it can be so difficult

let my song take me wherever i wanna be
its the only world where i am me
it doesn't matter if no one hears
the scars they heal better with the tears

let my fingers run and the words flow free
tell the story for those who care to see
don't you see? it takes a warrior to fight
battles in the dark chambers of our soul every night

2010-10-04T19:56:00.003+08:00

累了一天忙了一天

听见一句“你不是很厉害，都不会累的”

心中只有一个字寒

"你也可以跟我撒娇啊。干嘛那么强悍? 累了一天，休息吧"

什么时候才会有人要我对他撒娇？要我休息

现在的我努力读书充实自己朝着绚烂的梦想迈进

现阶段或许真的不适合谈恋爱

我也没有这个打算（反正身边也没人）

不过我还是希望身边的朋友可以让我撒娇

让我当个女生而不是女王/女超人甚至是超人

就算我是女王是女超人

也会累也会怕也会觉得寂寞

当身边都是人却没有一个人正眼看你甚至不记得你

那种感觉没有经历过的人真的不会知道

心里有多酸多空多冷

我却也不能自私的要求我的朋友时时陪着我

我也要自己去面对

可是除了面对我还能怎样

为什么一直说因为我一直经历一样的事

一样的伤一样的痛

不是被刀刺过下次就不会痛了

每一次都会痛

如果连说都不能说

我真的不知道自己还能走多久

2010-09-27T22:00:00.001+08:00

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

2010-09-26T12:47:00.002+08:00

What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
Where do I want to be in the next 5 or 10 years?
Can I live my dreams and not starve to death? (exaggerated)
How can I be myself, when the only way to work around people is not to be myself?

Sometimes I'm really envious of xing, retard and ahma...
especially retard
she's a people's person
I just can't do it...
I mean I can lie and pretend and people will be nicer to me
but what's the use when it really isn't ME they are nice to?

I don't think I can even be myself anymore
at least not in front of people who don't know the real me
because they just don't understand
the most pathetic thing is
even my parents don't know the real me
someone once tell me it's because i haven't tried to let them understand me
for strangers maybe that's true
but my parents
what i get when i tell them the truth is a laugh in the face
it's like telling the jungle that their king of beast is actually a little cat and not a lion
what you get is just denial
from them

but that doesn't stop me from wanting to live my dreams
no matter how long it takes
what i really want to do
is to write write write write
plays, books, essays...random things
i just like to write
words are a mask on its own
and the truth is not behind the mask
it's in it

I know I want my PhD
I want to write my own book
I want to write my own plays
I want to world to know me for who I am
not who they want me to be

Because what is the point of getting people to love me
by pretending to not to be me
My best friends would know
if there is anything to love
it's the real me
I may be crazy I may be mad
I may be anti social
I may have a bad temper
I may be (actually i am) a narcissist
but who cares no big deal
that's just me

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success."
~ Doug Larson

"A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. "
~ Grace Pulpit

2010-09-21T19:29:00.002+08:00

1. I want to buy Hebe's album (still haven buy)
2. I wanna watch Le Silence de La Mer and Les Bureaux De Dieu
3. Wanna go for Ollie Fury's "concert"/recital
4. Wanna go for Third Space - Contemporary Dance performance
5. I wanna learn to play 你不知道的事 on the keyboard
6. I wanna finish the script to submit for budstheatre (which they might not accept cause it's for kids and I'm writing about the devil) 40 pages.
7. I wanna watch some lame movie
8. I wanna meet up with my friends
9. I wanna get a table
10.My wrist and arms hurt

思念太猖狂一个冷不防

一想起你忙碌的生活变得空荡荡

对心事说谎把你想到多麼的不堪

伟大的你还想我怎样

你也太猖狂一个冷不防

睡到一半才觉醒疗伤先要哭一场

对世界说谎只把自己哄骗得更惨

想得到释放只有投降

2010-09-18T18:19:00.003+08:00

Recommending LeeHom's 你不知道的事

Quite the commercial kind of romantic song...but the chorus is quite touching
Lyrics so so...but coupled with the movie Love in Disguise there will be more of a feel in it...

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛才学会飞行

夜空洒满了星星有几颗会落地

你的泪滴像倾盆大雨碎了满地在心里清晰

The movie is okay too...not exceptional but very LeeHom like... as if he's conveying his tots as a musician...and the idea of a 知音 is quite...well...dramatically conveyed...(especially the way LiuYiFei cut the strings on her 古筝 after she found out that LeeHom/DuMingHan "lied" to her)

I like the part where LiuYiFei wrote a poem to convey her admirations to a senior and the senior just criticized the poem...well in a literary sense (you know like when i criticize pieces) and LeeHom shouted at him

"你根本就没有用心听"

and then he played a piece on the piano singing out the poem...
and when after his cover was blown he sang the song to her in the hall and she felt as if rain was showering onto her (like when he saw butterflies when he first heard her play)

mmm...some parts might be a lil too drama for the taste of some...but on the whole i still think the ideas conveyed are good

and what can you say when the male and female lead are so gd lookin?

another thing i wanna reccomend is the MV movie by 飞轮海
starring Patty Hou across WuZun...
it's called

心疼你的心疼

in gist...Zun becomes Patty's bodyguard and falls in love with her (and so does she) but only then realise that she's already engaged...
main idea: in the passing of time we often find love, and that's what's real

你不知道我为什么会叹息总把想哭的都埋藏在心里

所有回忆像你的名字想忘也不能忘记

你不知道我为什么走不出去还绕着过去停留在原地

如果把从前删去我是不是还是现在这个自己 (my version of 你不知道的事)

2010-09-10T20:15:00.005+08:00

推荐几样东西

第一田馥甄 To Hebe 专辑

我还没买（今天本来要买然后被妈妈骗说sembawang有唱片行。。。结果）

不过到现在为止听见的都很好听

我喜欢《寂寞寂寞就好》

很有Hebe的味道悲伤但却又坚强

希望独自面对寂寞才能走出寂寞

我寂寞寂寞就好这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱

就让我一个人去痛到受不了

伤到快疯掉

死不了就还好

我寂寞寂寞就好你真的不用来我回忆里微笑

我就不相信我会笨到忘不了

赖着不放掉

人本来就寂寞的我总会把你戒掉

第二韦礼安《有没有》

有点Blue Jazz 的感觉

听了很舒服的歌很适合在喝下午茶或睡前听

第三修杰楷新戏《女王不下班》

童嘉良雅痞警官

有邱一武的Man 没有邱一武的悲剧英雄心理

有一种 Devil May Care 的态度

有一种成熟男人的温柔

好像应该在巴黎街头的咖啡座里和他邂逅

然后来一场异国艳遇的感觉（乱想乱想）

anyway 现在我自己的心情似乎适合我的三项推荐

像田馥甄一样单纯但坚强的女神在慵懒的早晨来到台北市角落的后现代咖啡厅

喝着蓝山咖啡听着韦礼安的《有没有》

翻阅着《笑忘书》让温暖的阳光透着玻璃为她蒙上黄色的柔光

“请问这里有人坐吗？”

故事就这样开始了

他遇见了有女孩单纯又有女王魅力的女神

她遇见了拥有坚定宽厚背膀却像风一样的男子

这样的故事大概是我现在的心情写照

我爱浮沉人生忙忙碌碌为自己而努力活着

也爱偷得浮生半日闲按着自己的步调跳这支属于自己的舞

2010-09-08T13:49:00.003+08:00

i've written 200 post up till now...i think this blog was set up end of year one sem 1...so that makes about 2 years of bloggin on this blog...meaning about 100 post a year...nt bad~

ok i got my new laptop in yesterday...fixed the stuff today when i have sm free time on my hands...all the downloading and warranty and all those stuff i dun like to do...but anyway it's done

i love the new keyboard/keypad...has a soft touch to it yet it's tangibly there...not like some nearly non existent keyboard...the new laptop is all white with a nice metallic finish (retard likes it more than i do i think...i would have prefered a pink one...but a white one is equally chic)

and i was right to choose the laptop that has the faster processor...so dunid wait so long...hurhur...

but i have a feeling the white keyboard is going to turn black very soon...haha

tml there's moe talk before going for class...rep of asia...nice prof...not so nice readings...haha...and hopefully i can get the topic i wanna do project on...pray hard~

ok just a brief post...gotta go off do readings le...while listening to the soothing voice of hebe...i haven bot her new album yet...but i am going to...(duno how many years never buy album le...last one was probably energy's final fantasy...sec...4?)

不用华丽的包装不用撩人的姿态

用真挚的嗓音认真地把歌唱入你心里

田馥甄最有爱的新人最纯真的女神

you won't understand what I'm saying, until you understand what I'm not

2010-09-01T21:05:00.002+08:00

i went to watch Inception (like finally)
it's a gd movie but i several things i wanna say

1. it's not difficult to understand the layers (ppl...bring your brains to the movies please)
2. the ending...well let's just say it's too predictable (for me)
3. the meaning that ppl attach to the ending...sigh...ppl just dun get the movie (i'm nt sayin that i do...but ppl just scratch...barely...the surface)
4. my fav. moment in the movie was that seemingly irrelevant kiss (but hey i think it's a very impt moment)...actually i think arthur's moments are the ones ppl tend to miss but are very impt...
5. this is the first movie i've seen Leonardo in since Titanic

2010-08-25T10:47:00.002+08:00

it's another 4 days to the new sem...a lil' excited...

for now I have 3 core mods (the electives have not been allocated...thx to YOG)

1. Film Theory

2. Rep of Asia in Film and Literature

3. Creative Writing (monologue)

my ideal case is that I can get TCM and Theatre&Performance

again this sem I'm stuck with one core mod that has project work (argh) hopefully I can get a gd group...

and if i get the electives I want...hopefully I'll be motivated to work harder (not tt I never work in Year 2...just a lil' lazy at times...esp sem2)

and hopefully I'll get my fujitsu T730! cause my IBM thinkpad seems to be dying...or running really awkwardly (thanks for braving 5+ violent years with me mate!) and I'm pretty excited to try out the new stuff on windows 7

and I'm thinkin about the wireless keyboard (would have got it if it was cheaper...) and external hard drive (will buy if I have enough $$...and if it comes in a nice pink or red...like the one retard has....chic)

meeting 3506 tml for kboxing...final one b4 sch reopens (sorry HQ I should have tot of it earlier before u started sch)

meeting retard and ahma to celebrate ahma's bday...crystal jade steamboat buffet (nehber been to one before...haha)

talked to retard on the phone yesterday...2 hours 18 mins...haha...kinda ave time for a milo phone session...I think the last time i talked to xing on the phone it was also around this amt of time...wait till i get my new laptop and she settles internet connections den we'll skype for long too...(i never use skype before though...duno if the internal mic is gd enough)

I'll wake up early tml to get beehoon for breakfast
and I want chrysanthemum tea!!! (randomness)

Pretty excited bout jocelyn's class (which is the first class I'm attending!!!!) followed by Brian's (shivers/nervous) and whatever elective there is and then the thursday rep of asia (will talk more about this once I start the mod...)

I shall TRY MY BEST not to pon classes...should be able to since the only morning lesson i have so far is Brian's lesson (which i dun really dare to pon) and if my elective goes as i plan...the other morning lesson i'll have is Theatre and Performance(by jocelyn) which I prob also wun pon...

new sem.new classes.new muggin places

It's the silence the words you never said

2010-08-17T15:43:00.002+08:00

ok it's been a long while since i posted anything...basically because there really isn't anything to post about...my day's mostly just housework/youtubing/reading/tuition and most of the time i'm just checking the sky outside to make sure that it isn't going to rain (just like what i'm doing now)

quick updates

we celebrated xing's bday on erm national day and she got her first blue box (very excited and happy about it) went to some ramen place which once again I couldn't tell what's so nice about it cause it still taste a lil salty to me...then we went to watch fireworks

met up with the svc gang had a lil catch up session though it's only rongxin audrey sweehuang xing and I...but well....at least i got to eat the nice katsu from waraku...

then xing leaves for US...missed her phone call in the morning..she missed mine too...but it's ok...cause i knew that would prob happen so i text her the night before...now she's enjoying her tour before sch starts on 30th

修杰楷 has a new drama coming up called 女王不下班...not exactly very big cast...he's one of the most popular in there already so you know how "not big" the cast is...he trained his body for this one so it's in pretty good shape...the standard 6 pack/bicep/tricep/chest muscles...plus the rugged look that he's been onto lately...together with his peaking popularity
if I sound a lil' blah about all this it's because despite the nice body I don't really like his new image...although it's gaining him alot more fans...but i like him more when he's the simple guy next door...it's not that I don't like muscled man...i just don't like him with that style (that bad boy thing...)

on my part...sch's starting in about 2 weeks..so i'm just tidying up room a lil (and i MEAN a little) buying stationaries...looking up readings and notes to make sure that I don't panic a few weeks into the sem realising that I don't have a reading that I'm suppose to have...and hopefully I get CDP101 (kinda like a performing mod...facilitated by my playwriting prof) and TCM...I'm nt going to take any other science modules other than TCM...i screwed chem last sem...nobody's fault...i didn't turn up for a single lecture...so i presume that a 'C' IS about the best I could have gotten with that little work I put into...well as everybody knows...it's practically impossible for me to score on a module that I have absolutely no interest in...my results speaks for me...it's in direct proportion to my level of interest and has absolutely nothing to do with the difficulty of the subject (sometimes the harder it is...the better I do for it...)

meeting CK tml...for lunch...always love time with old friends...hopefully we can find time to squeeze in another 3506 gathering before sch starts for NTU...and hopefully wI can get outta the house to walk around a lil on my own before school starts (that smells of esplanade trips)...maybe I'll find a day and just chill somewhere and chiong a mystery novel in one sitting (maybe I shall end the hols with one Agatha Christie novel? since I always start the hols with one...) but then again I have so many books left unread...should finish the two malcolm gladwell books first...then maybe another mystery book...(omg the readings for the new sem..shld i start on em?)

well let's hope this sem turns out well and i enjoy it more than i usually do...I think sem 1 is usually the better of the 2...hope it's true this time round..and I should catch a movie b4 the sem starts...(PCK/Inception/AuRevoir Taipei/Taipei Exchanges)

最美海岸线总是要很蜿蜒

才足够让人往返留连

你的身边若不是比天边还遥远

勇气怎么出现

2010-07-29T11:51:00.003+08:00

I wasn't selected for the blancspace playwriting mentorship
BUT
it only made me reaffirm my ambition of writing in my own style
I now have 2 goals to reach before graduation

1. Get into Masters programme
(because I realise the other alt. doesn't seem too appealing to me)
2. Be so good they have to notice me

the second is something that i quote from a website
i think it makes alot of sense
it's no use trying to find a way in
just work to be so good they can't help but bring you in

sounds like big dreams eh?
doesn't matter
i dun like small things anyway

and no matter where I go and what I do
I know there are still those few who will always support me in everything
even if they do not always agree or identify with my goals and dreams
they've came to accept it as a part of me
and that is what drives me

a quote that I've written on my blog b4
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
~Bernard Meltzer

2010-07-26T19:58:00.003+08:00

有如两生花　《白夜行》为爱粉身碎骨　《恶意》为恨万劫不复

(from the back cover of a book)

what am i going to do 2 years from now
work? be a teacher? contd my studies? work at a theatre? go overseas?
what are we going to do once we leave the place we have been for 23 years? (ok 16+years)
the new world the new place
they tell me that i will have to fit in
be realistic
you cannot help but bend backwards to accomodate
that's the world
that's reality
that's what they all say

do we have to?
do we have to lose ourselves?
do we have to follow the paths of those we do not believe but will inevitably become?
call it naivity call it idealism
what's left of me when i can't even be myself anymore
that's not growing up
that's suicidal
face it
you don't know too
you think that's maturity?
no
it isn't
it's just stupidity
it's not bowing down to reality
it's giving yourself up

call me stupid call me crazy call me immature call me what ever you want
you are the one that don't know a thing
not me

2010-07-20T13:17:00.002+08:00

Auntie Diary Day 2

for consecutive 2 days...the moment i take the clothes in it starts raining...and i MEAN the MOMENT...waah..this is called the auntie instincts!!!

Lunch: Black Pepper Chicken and Baked Fries
Not bad huh~ (though i didn't marinate the chicken...bot it from NTUC and baked in the oven nia)

2010-07-19T14:09:00.004+08:00

Auntie's Diary Day One

Why auntie? cause today is the 2nd official day without my maid and cause i was sick yesterday so they dare not ask me do anything...and today? haix...the other 3 (dad mom sister) one say he tired cannot do anymore (ok he didn't SAY...he SHOUTED) one is at work and can't expect her to do everything also (filial piety) and one is at school and probably wouldn't be able to do anything either...

so...after having a maid for 14 years...i'm nt exactly very gd at doing housework...

Morning 9:15AM
Go NTUC buy ingredient for lunch and some frozen pizza in case i get too lazy to cook
Go buy breakfast

Come home eat breakfast then it starts...
Take down the dried clothes hang out the half dried, wash clothes, prepare soup ingredients (yes they have to drink soup everyday) had such a hard time cutting the corn...so darn hard...if u saw me from behind while i was CHOPPING the corn, you would have tot that i was chopping up a dead body with the amt of strength i used (no skill)...cook soup...mop the floor while waiting for the washing machine to finish the load...then take down the dried clothes and hang up the wet ones (talk about never ending load of clotes...bunch of ppl who don't clean their own clothes...and someone threw her underwear outside the toilet on the floor AGAIN!!! I'm nt clearing up after them)

Afternoon 1:50PM
Finally...lunch time...too lazy to cook as predicted so throw a pizza and three nuggets into the oven for 10 mins...
FB-ing while waiting for the food to cook by itself...

my day up till now has been housework housework housework (later still got somemore) and between every half an hour i'll drop or reply another message on the dennis to FB fanpage...weird auntie life...

they're lucky i'm havin hols...if nt i really duno what will happen

actually all these housework is nth if u do it often...but just think...i haven been doing housework for like erm...14 years? i dun mind doing actually...just dun like the way they complain that...ok he (my father) complain that he is too tired to do (shouted that he's too tired) and then call me today to ask me to take out the bamboo of clothes (AFTER i already did...talk about inefficiency on his part)...

neh mind...i have my blog to rant on and my D.T FB fellow fans to chat with...shall be contented...later go read book (after folding the clothes and throwing in another load of clothes to wash)

2010-07-13T22:23:00.002+08:00

听过七穴散劲吗？

就是点了七个穴道就会全身无力使不上劲

我现在就像被点了穴道一样软~无力~

consequence of working out too hard and not working out frequent enough
it wasn't intentional
i was only following instructions (aqua aerobic)
but end up only i one person so siao others all slacking

now i can't even lift my arm without it falling back in place within seconds

but wellx...that's the price to pay for lack of exercise...

2010-07-09T15:01:00.003+08:00

recently ahwei from btt has been acknowledge by ip chun's disciple 冼国林 as his disciple at ipman the legend's screening session...

i'm tempted to type this in chinese but given tt ppl dun read my chinese post...

i recently submitted an article to lianhezaobao (whether or nt it'll be publish i don't know) about how the legacy of chinese kungfu movie stars should be passed onto the next generation...
but how many of those from our generation can really meet the mark?

although i didn't write this in my article but i wanna say this

if all the audience wants is good lookin celeb playin hero in movies...then so be it...u dun have to watch kungfu movies

i really support dennis to and ahwei in their pursuit of becoming an established kungfu artist...because kungfu to them is not just a matter of fist and kicks
ahwei fares better than dennis in a certain sense because he knows what the media wants to see...but still he has that side of him that works endlessly trying to improve his skills...but how many ppl actually see that side of him?
the kind of things they say...he's so short...nt gd lookin...blah blah blah...yeayeayea whatever

and for dennis to...to compare him to donnie yen is such an unfairness
donnie has been in the line for close to 30 years? dennis...about 3 years and this is his first major role...
for those who say his action isn't as gd...well that's half a valid comment..yes it doesn't look as gd on the screen...come on...you wanna give it a go? it's nt that easy
and those who say his looks ain't gd? well...who said that kungfu masters are suppose to look gd?
ipman isn't gd lookin either...the REAL ip man...and there's jackie chan and sammo hung...and yuan biao...tell me...which one of them is gd lookin?

all i wanna say is...if we really want to see some REAL kungfu and nt just some stunts played by some pretty boy...we should support the ppl who REALLY love martial arts

saying dennis to isn't gd enough is like saying twilight is better than shakespeare...
one is a commercial product...one is the real thing
but i can't force ppl to like martial arts the way i do
just hoping that ppl can give others a fair comment

donnie yen said "action movies can be produced everywhere, but only us CHINESE can produce kungfu movies"
if the legacy isn't passed on...we'll be stuck watching 3D computer animated "kungfu" movies

2010-06-30T18:42:00.003+08:00

Swim Till You Can't Feel Your Arms = 爽~

Stretching after swimming =超爽！

Clear up nail polish on the floor till you can't feel your fingers = 不爽 x.X

2010-06-29T14:04:00.002+08:00

没有‘喜欢’的一年

I forgot what made me think of this suddenly...I think it was a conversation with retard...eh a while ago (the after bugis and haji lane den walk to esplanade and end up at macdonalds time)

the thing is...having not liked anyone...or at least have anyone in mind for the past...about a year or so...apart from the lack of inspiration that stems from bolts of depression, everything else has been well and good...results and well... emotional health (i wish that i could say the same for physical health but sadly i can't)...

i was telling xing and retard the other time that despite the fact that ppl around me (who just turned 21 or going to be 21) who keep saying that they feel old, i actually feel younger...

probably because i use to feel like 30+ and now that i'm 21 or at least in my twenties I feel younger...

I don't know if it has anything to do with not liking anyone...it probably has because it solves the whole liking a wrong person problem...but of course it has to do with alot of other things...

like finally being able to focus on my uni studies...finally getting the feeling that I do have a lil frenx in uni...meeting wonderful professors...finding and growing my new obsession (reading...if you haven't noticed)...my new fav author (adding to the list) 东野圭吾....finding a new direction to head towards...well maybe not new...just clearer (writing and theatre)....

the feeling of finally doing something with my life...although i still slack alot and roam around my room...but there's rarely moments of depression or unhappiness (well sometimes there still is but it's rare)...

ironic isn't it...that this happiness comes from not having someone to like?

well probably because of my bad taste in man and always liking the wrong person...ppl...

i was watching tv series yesterday and there was this part where the guy (shall just call him the guy since ppl obviously dun watch the same series as me) came home and settled down to do some work..smiling as the gf came out from her room askin after him...offering him a cup of tea..talked a lil about what they were both doing (the guy's a teacher so he's preparing some lecture stuff..the girl's an online seller...selling some handicraft)...

well wat touched me was the plain simple acts of concern and support that they offered each other...it's very simple but I can feel the happiness in it...

似乎发现我不太适合当别人背后的女人

我没有办法永远当幕后的推手永远当他的拉拉队

我也需要掌声需要镁光灯照在我身上我也要我自己的舞台

所以我无法为了成就我的男人而牺牲自己的梦想

我需要的不是一个了不起的男人

我需要一个愿意和我互相扶持拥有平等关系的人

well just my tots about this...

I'm not moving forward alone...
I have friends who will stand by me through storm and rain, smiles and pains...
Giving me the courage to "face the thunder when the sunshine turns to rain"
Friends who are willing to answer to random weird sms from me (including things like "is there a difference between arsenic and arsenite?")

sometimes i wonder if it's just because i haven't met the right guy...
but then i realise...
it's not that i haven't met him
it's that he hasn't found me
and before he does...let's just say i'm pretty happy with my new found "youthful" life

2010-06-27T10:50:00.002+08:00

东野圭吾真的是个了不起的作家

i haven't finish 圣女的救赎 but up till now I've been nothing but amazed...every line, every twist every character....this is not just a mystery novel...it's pure art

if agatha christie managed to wow me with Murder of Roger Ackroyd and Murder on the Orient Express....this is even more...erm..wow-ing...ok amazing is the word to use if i were to use proper english

that's the kind of artist i want to become...it's not just about writing skills...it's really a matter of genius...

so stun that i can't write properly
will update more after i finish